Brand New here, my story, my ?'s

[Ichrus]

Norfolk...thank you for your reply and your thoughts, I certainly do fit the mold you laid out of talking the talk but still having that urge to try to fix stuff...that is one of my struggles moving forward and detaching as well (but I recognize it and try to work on it daily).

So W forwarded the email her mom sent her, it was quite harsh, really laid into her about her choices and how this is all about W and not kids or anyone else, that MIL feels the reason W is moving toward D so quickly is because of OM, and she doubts he will be around long anyway leaving W all alone until "the next young man needs the companionship of an older lady"! W was really hurt and upset by the whole thing, and I agree that her mom laid into her hard, but I agree with some of the sentiment behind it. I listened to W vent, tried to validate her feelings.

I worry a bit that I may have done a bit too much to try to make her feel better (like should I have said something along the lines of "I don't agree with all of what you Mom said, but I share some of her feelings toward you on this), I guess I just don't want W to feel like I approve or am really on board with her plans even if I am going along with some of the "planning".

BUT...despite my worries, last night W was complaining about having a really sore back and neck, and (smiling and joking) that I should bring her home a masseuse with dinner, I joked back that I couldn't find any, so she was stuck with me. So later in the night I decide to put on my flame suit and take a small shot, asked if she needed anything while she was reading in bed, or if she needed a bit of a massage, she said "sure, you can rub my back". This is sort of big to me because for the past few months me touching her in any way brought on strong negative reactions. Gave her a nice, long back rub (and I must say it felt so good to just be able to touch her skin to skin again), did not push it to becoming sexual, but it was more then just professional might do (light rubs up and down her sides, that sort of thing). She responded very well, seemed relaxed and said at the end she felt a bit better, although achy in other ways ;-). I decided not to pursue or push anything too fast, so said "your welcome" and walked a way for a bit to cool down myself.

Got myself into bed later, wife took her pillows and stuff to head to the couch, she came back about 5 mins later and asked if it was ok if she slept in the bed tonight because she doesn't want our oldest daughter to always find her on the couch in the morning. I said she is welcome to share the bed tonight or any night she wants, and just turned over to go to sleep. Decided to not make a big deal of it tonight or today and try to just let her feel comfortable with me touching her again and her staying in the bed if she likes. I am somewhat encouraged, but keep telling myself to not expect or really hope for anything, STAY DETACHED, take things super slow and just keep doing what I am doing.

Time to see what today will bring...and will be interested to see where she chooses to sleep tonight.