Needing some guidance...

[jks]

This post is going to be long... wow, where to start...

Accuracy, I was about to respond to your first post to me regarding the date saying that I don't know whether OW is really an issue. That my H is the type of person that doesn't do those kinds of things... blah, blah, blah. And then my mom came downstairs and turned on a movie and so I decided to take a break from the computer and watch the movie with her.

5 min into the movie, one of my best friends calls and asks me how I'm doing and how things are going with H. I immediately have this weird feeling. I said we are ok, why? She then states that her husband's cousin lives across the street from OW. The cousin sent my friend a message on FB and my friend read it to me. It stated that she saw on my FB status that I was separated and that it wasn't any of her business but she just wanted to let her know that she sees my H's car outside OW's house all the time.

And one day she saw OW come outside in only her towel to get a bag out of my H's car. I had to have my friend read it again because my mind was so foggy by this point. I then had to immediately hang up and call my H.

I asked him how he was doing and then started to ask him if he was staying at OW's house. He said, no. I told him that someone saw OW come outside to his car to get something out of it in her towel and asked is this true? He then said, sort of. I then asked are you sleeping with her? He couldn't answer me. He was at work and told me he would call me back in 15 min. I just said, I guess you've made your decision and he said, no, I haven't. I will call you back.

Well, obviously after that moment my mind is going crazy and I'm freaking out. So I call his mom to ask her if he is coming home every night from work or not. And she said, yes. He's always here and he's always here in the morning. I don't know what to believe and start to think maybe it's a rumor or I'm jumping to conclusions, but I am freaking out.

H then calls on the other line and I answer. I ask him again if he's sleeping with her and he says, yes. I immediately go outside and start screaming and crying at him. Remember the neighbor I had the convo with about A's and women that work with our H's? She just happened to be sitting outside on her front porch talking on her phone and yells out to me, what's going on?

I am screaming and freaking out. I don't really remember much more of what was said on the phone but H then says, can I come talk to you? So I said yes. I ran over to the neighbor's house to tell her what was going on and then my mom comes outside and starts hugging me and telling me not to let him tell me he's sorry. Obviously, she is very hurt by this too.

I talk with them for a moment trying to pull my thoughts together and figure out what to say or do when he gets here. He pulls up and I get in his car and he starts to explain to me that he his miserable. He thought being with OW was going to make him happy because she had all the qualities that he wanted to see in me... motivated, gets things done, etc. But he soon realized once I started to leave him alone completely that he missed me. He missed his family.

He said at one point he thought he was falling in love with her but soon realized that he really wasn't in love with her at all. And he was so angry at himself for allowing himself to go there and he said he wanted to die everyday. He felt like he had destroyed everything and was so afraid to say anything to me because he was afraid of losing me. And so the purpose of going out to dinner was for him to fess up, so he says.

Apparently, the PA started in January and has been going on until this last Weds. I am still in shock by this. This person is not my H. And I kept telling him that. The H that I know would never do that to his W. And I'm telling you my H is one of those people that everybody loves. He's so well-rounded and willing to help anyone he can. This is was attracted me to him in the first place. He has always been so loyal and never lied.

Well, he lied to me so many times as I think back on our conversations regarding him and her. It is mind-blowing. He has hit rock bottom.

So he tells me that all he wants to do is end it. And he has no idea if I can ever forgive him. I ask him if this is really what he wants. Because part of me can't help but wonder how easy it would be for him to just ditch out on me again and go back to her. Apparently, she divorced her H 5 months ago and my H failed to mention that to me for fear of how I would react. And once that happened she pursued him even more because we were already separated.

Lovely, how a person can feel that it's perfectly ok to destroy a family for their own personal welfare. I hate her! He then told me that he will put our phones back together so I can see everything he's doing and he wants to be completely honest with me about everything. He will make it so he doesn't have to see her at work and he knows that once he tells her, she will want nothing to do with him anyway.

He also stated that in Nov. he tried to fill out divorce papers but couldn't do it. It didn't feel right to him. He feels so awful for everything he's put us through especially our kids because I had to change their schools when I moved in with my mom. He has noticed that things have not been the same for D6 at her new school. She used to be happy and excited to go and now she walks in very slowly and doesn't really care too much to be there. I have noticed this too.

He said he does want to be with me and wants to make this work. He wants us to find a place together and give our kids a stable place to live.

We have a CD that we made for our wedding that has all of our songs on it and my D6 loves to hear them. And she asks my H to listen to them all the time. He told me that he cries every time he hears them now.

I told him that he knows that I love him and would find it very hard to turn my back on him now. But I have a hard time knowing if he's going to do this to me again and I just don't know if I can go through that kind of pain again. I told him that he's going to have to show me by his actions that he wants this. I also told him that I've been very happy lately. I feel empowered because I have realized that I can be truly happy without him.

He told me that he was always so happy to see me recently. I always had a big smile on my face and he said it always made his day. (This is where the DBing helped even though our interactions were few and far between and very short, he saw the difference in me.)

So you see, this outcome is so bittersweet for me. It took my H sleeping with another woman to realize my worth in his life. It is sick and awful to think about and I know we have long roads ahead of us but quite honestly, I was not expecting him to be so sure about his feelings for me.

So for now, he is telling OW that it's over. And we will have to wait and see how the rest goes. I have the biggest headache from crying last night and not being able to sleep. I will update soon.