Quite frankly that's what I was afraid of. That's what explains H's behavior versus the complaints he cited. Take the complaints seriously and address them for yourself if you believe it will make you a better person, but don't go into it thinking that if you address all those complaints that H will come back.
So now H is conflicted, he knows what he is doing is wrong, and he's going to struggle to create rationalizations including blaming you for everything so that he doesn't feel like the bad guy.
He also knows he's out on a limb. The ideal for him is that he can see where this goes, have his fun, and when it doesn't work out, he can just come home to you and you will take him back.
You need to remove that safety net and make him believe that you won't be just waiting around -- that you are done crying, you have your own agenda, and you are going to pursue it. Make no accusatory or shaming comments, just act as if H's actions hold no sway over you.
Finally this is not a reflection on you and it is not a contest. OW id a fantasy and H is a fantasy to OW. Sooner or later reality will creep in. They don't see the real versions of each other, but they will!
I would not go on that date. While OW is involved there is much higher chance of making your sitch worse than better. Make him miss you and wonder what you are up to.
Finally, I really recommend talking to a telephone coach on this site. I know you said you can't afford it, but it's much cheaper than divorce, will make you feel better, and can give you better guidance.
Take good care of yourself, you are not alone.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
