Wendy, I am so sorry that you are having to deal w/this nonsense. Your first priority right now is your taxes. As for getting the house ready to be put on the market, that's a "joint" effort and it appears that your h has selective memory or no memory at all of what was discussed previously. This is par for course because they do tend to forget things during the crisis.
As for keeping the house clean, he's looking for a justification for his behavior and yes, they do tend to compare us to the op. I could have written what you said about the "love ya" at the end of notes, etc. My xh was the same way. It's funny, but I too, wondered what life would be like w/my xh years out, you know old and in rocking chairs on the front porch. I could never visualize us together doing that because his family dies quite young, i.e., 60's. My family lives to be late 80's, 90's and even 101. So, I can relate to what you wrote.
As for his back problem, he will have decide whether it is worth the pain each and every time he stands up or go to the doctor's. I think he's afraid that the doctor is going to tell him requires surgery. I know you have no control over him and what he does, but the man needs to have that taken care of before it gets any worse. Oh, well...he'll learn the hard way.
Wendy, please take care of yourself. I do worry about you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
