These last 2 days have put me into a tailspin. Damn rollercoaster. Just want it to be over. The mindreading, expectations, crazymaking. It just makes me not want to ever see him again. I don't know how you guys with kids, where you have to see all the time, deal.
I just want to go very dark. I'm seeing my L. tuesday, to go over final draft of d. papers. Might just not get back to him for a time. Just sick of this and wish I could just wake up and not have to deal with crappy life. It is so hard, I feel like I'm in a ten round boxing match, and I've only had the first punch. Sick of it. Just wish I could have some peace and relief. I know it is not going to come from him. I know, GAL, who cares, i have to get packed in the next 2 weeks and move myself into my new "great life". Whohoo. Have good thoughts about myself, GAL, don't think about him.
This place helps but I feel like I fabricate strength, like I'm talking myself into feelings that I don't really feel. I feel like such a fake db'r. I know what is said to help on this board, but not feeling it tonite. Hope I wake up tommorrow and things look better. Maybe I'm just having a pity party tonite after all this contact with h. So tired, going to try to sleep. This is not to say I feel REAL support here from great people. This negativism is just me and looking at my truth. I really appreciate my friends here. Just don't know if I'm worthy.
