Husband left me...feel hopeless

[jks]

I know this whole patience thing is driving ne nuts. It is good that he is goinng to db but our coach says hes still trying to decide if there's enough in the marriage to save. I just want him to open up and start saving.

This is where what you're doing is going to help him WANT to start saving the M. Leave him be and put your focus on YOU. You do not want to rush him because all it will do is force him to give you an answer that you don't want. You really are at one of the hardest parts right now.

You're right, it is a very hard thing for the LBS to understand. But after looking back I can see how the separation and detachment of the other S has to happen. It gives both of you much needed reflection time that might otherwise not happen if you stay together. A separation can be powerful because it forces you to learn and grow and therefore, hopefully come back to one another as more mature and understanding individuals. Your minds can be cleared and there is more room for change to happen.

It sounds like your H has a lot of working on himself to do. Allow him to do that. He internally isn't happy in general and he will continue that way if he doesn't figure this out for himself. He may need to hit rock bottom... IDK. I do know that for me with my depression that was definitely the case.

I have never had so much motivation to be a better person in my life. And I never had so many answers to things that I've been struggling with because I'm now seeking them out. Whereas before I was pretty dormant. I hope this helps.

Obviously, I'm just speaking from my experience so take from it what you want. But I see a lot of myself in you and I wish I had the guidance early on so that I wouldn't have made so many mistakes because of my own impatience. I am very lucky that my H is still giving me another chance after all the begging and pleading and arguing I did with him.

Remember that he is not thinking clearly right now and this is allowing him to get his thoughts together.