Wanted to let you know I've been following your story. Some elements in it remind me of my situation.
I'm at month seven. H has been gone since a couple of days after BD so it's been easier for me to focus on moving forward.
The mind of the MLCer has been made up. There is no point in trying to convince them to change it. There is no reasoning. That is why everybody says focus on you. If it truly is MLC your husband may or may not come out of the tunnel, and if he does he may or may not come back to you. It's a harsh reality but accepting it as the only reality I have has helped me to do what I need to do to hit the reset button on my life.
My H, like most here, had an OW, and yours probably does too. Most men who leave their marriages, for whatever reason, fall into the lap of someone else. My MIL even had the audacity to say "who knows, maybe it will work out with her." This was after she cut him a cheque for $25000 so he could pay off his SUV and not go bankrupt when he left me. I thought she was awesome but all she did was make it easy for him to leave. This is a woman who officiates marriages for her church. I guess he comes by his BS honestly.
Anyway...not hijacking. You are clearly a strong person. Your pain will come in waves. I am now at the point where I go many days without shedding a tear, but anytime I engage with H it takes me about a week to get over it and the pain hits me like it was yesterday. This will happen with you, but don't let it hinder your resolve. I have found the changes in seasons hardest as they signalled a focus on the things we liked to do together. Right now, for example, we'd be talking about where we plan to go in the boat. Not this year and it breaks my heart because we both loved being on the water. Once a year has passed, though, I'll have new memories and new plans with the change in each season.
Protect yourself and begin building your life as you want it to be. As hard as it sounds, once you're living separately you will probably find things much easier and H will have to realize that in fact there are consequences to his choices. No help in you pointing that out to him. He needs to stumble and skin his knees.
Keep reaching out. There is so much wisdom and support here. I wouldn't have made it this far without it.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
