I WILL NOT SHARE a woman of mine with another man. PERIOD. END OF STORY. NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
It isn't up for negotiation. IF you want and choose him then so be it. I will be perfectly fine without you and as a matter of fact I think this is for the best. ... Now.. What to do?
Become distant until she asks if somehting is wrong or what is up with you.
Then prepare this speech.
"I have been doing some thinking and here is “what I have decided” (be decisive because women are attracted to and respect decisive men)
I have decided that I want you to move out. The sooner the better. I don’t know what I have been thinking and now can’t believe that I have tolerated for so long you wanting to be with another man. I haven’t been perfect as a husband, but I do believe I have done my best to love you and to be a good man.
However, that doesn’t matter now. That was then and this is now. I want you to find a place and be out of here by_______"(give her a small window to move out)
Don't be mean and don't be punitive. Firm and strong and confident in your new position. Don't back down.
Don’t put it up for negotiation. Be firm and resolved that SHE must move out and that you WANT her out as soon as possible. Move forward on the divorce and stay strong by going for whatever is fair in the dealings regarding financials and such… ... That is tough love. She will never respect you if you keep allowing this because you are too scared to put the whole relationship on the line and risk losing her for good. She needs to wonder if she lost YOU in this process. Let her worry about how she is going to make ends meet and let the OM worry that now that he HAS is opportunity if he can step up to the plate and support HER..
That’s it….. Strong, confident, firm, and YOU DO NOT SHARE.
The above is from a really old thread I was reading on these forums. This site is a gold mine when you dig in.
I'm seriously considering filling out the D papers while she is gone and handing them to her with something like the above when she gets back. A few things... Yes, I know I would have to be serious. I know I would have to mean it. Do I really want this MR to survive? Yes I do. Totally. But what he said about being strong enough to put things on the line really speaks to me. I agree w/25yrs, this ultimatum will probably not turn out well. But my wife is leaving in a few hours to have a spring fling with her paramour!!!!
Opposing view, I have time. I can wait out her romp and craziness. Then, if/when she comes around, we can start the long hard process of clearing away the wreckage and building a new M. There is the woman I married somewhere lost in that jumbled confusion, and for her and our children and for commitment and love, reconciliation is the best path.
I've got a week to decide. A real man doesn't make decisions by committee (something I've been guilty of before), but I invite your advice. I got Love Must Be Tough, and hopefully that will give me some guidance, too. And prayer. Lots of prayer.
And either (any) road I choose, I will be building myself into a better man. That is said so often around here, it feels a bit cliche. But I really feel like a lion is awakening inside of me.
