Tomorrow morning, W and kids go off for spring break. I think I am being a bit passive-aggressive on a couple of things. She dropped her phone and cracked the screen, and hasn't really asked me to fix it, but passive-aggressively talked about it. I don't want to fix her damn phone. She communicates w/OM with it. So I just kinda act dumb when she talks about it being broken. And then tonight I brought her laptop up and said we were switching. She's been using mine, because it's better (I don't use hers much, though). I like this laptop, and if we are separating, I'd like to keep this one. What do you guys think?
Also, I think that I will do the birds-nesting. She is willing to do the first turn away when they get back from vaca, so can't make it look in court like I abandoned. I'm excited to have two weeks at a time to really work on me, then two weeks at a time to really work on being a Dad. But she is pretty fixated on us doing the "easy D" where we file together. In our heart2heart, I told her I almost want to do that because I understand that she hates that I am just sitting up on my high and righteous perch and she feels like she has to do the dirty work. So maybe I should really think about this: maybe I should choose what I want to do or not do, rather than doing what I think I should or shouldn't do. I don't want a divorce. It's not that I don't want to break a personal rule, I just don't want the whole thing to happen. But then am I just denying reality? Legal stuff: 2-party D is worlds different here than 1-party. I don't know that she would be willing to stay here for another year if I closed that door. Confession, my D10 asked what I wanted and I said "I want to be married to your Mom." Can't you stop her from D you? "No, for a M to work, both people have to want to be in it." I didn't tell her about OM, though. On disclosure, I said earlier that W was the one who told the world about OM. Up until that point, I was talking to minister and friends about our M problems but only about porn. I kept her secret somewhat. And on sharing about that, it's not like I post about it on FB or talk to everyone about it. But being open to several guys is a key cornerstone in my recovery. I had posted early in my sitch that I'd love advice about our too-public issues and how to minimize how that tears up the path home. Oh, and one more thing: W has been asked to speak w/minister before returning to church. Advice for the future, do I bite my lip if she lies to him?
