Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

Thanks for stopping by Sandi.

She was definitely LD. Like most young men, I was raring to go at all times. She probably initiated sex 2-3 times... the entire relationship, one of the times being after she totally effed up and I was pissed at her. "I'm sorry" sex I guess we can call it. It's probably important to note that we didn't have sex before marriage.

In Feb she gave me some 'reasons' she didn't want to have sex. Some included my lack of passion for health. I never exercised, and didn't eat well. I'm 6'2" 165lbs so by any standard, underweight. Sure, I was growing a small belly but I'm pretty sure it was bigger before we were married. She also attributed it to our connection issues. I can answer specific questions about this, but suffice to say, we didn't communicate that well. She swept everything under the rug. I found out about 90% of our real issues after we separated. We never fought about much. I just thought I was being supportive.

I agree with what your saying about not needing to be "friends". One of the things she told me about EA2 is that she talked to him about things that we never talked about. Religion, beliefs, etc. She said they cried on each other's shoulders. Maybe that's what she means by not having a 'best friend' connection. The only issue I have with that is that I have a LOT of close friends. In all honesty, I have about 8 friends that know everything about me, and I know everything about them. I'm not some closed book that has problem discussing feelings and stuff. I just feel like I had no idea what was going on in her head (and still don't) because she never let on to anything.

As I think I've mentioned, she also feared we just wanted different things from life. Her's is/was her career, traveling the world, "experiencing life". Mine was to have a nice home and a happy family. Sure, she wanted that eventually, but she thinks that's all I want. While partially true, I think that's what may have led her to the other guys. They have the same passions as her, and gave her all the attention in the world. EA1 was pretty much nothing, but I still have my doubts about EA2. I'm feeling like I don't know the whole story, and still suspect some form of PA. Not a full blown PA, but at least something. She still talks to the guy and it bugs the hell out of me. We haven't talked about it for a couple months now though.

Hard to take these things she says and determine which ones she truly believes, and which ones she's just telling herself to make this easier. I'm trying to validate both, but its confusing. My friend's wives that know her well thinks shes a bit off the mark on some of the stuff. They know me very well too, and have very good things to say about me, how I've handled the situation, and how impressed they are with my GALing.

At any rate, I'm still lost. I hope tomorrow lead somewhere other than further into limbo land.