Thank you, thank you, for taking the time and effort to keep me on track.
You guys have saved me from myself yet again.
You're right, of course, it's more pressuring and pursuit/control on my part to try to get him to change.
I'll get the focus back on my own changes - and truthfully, I have actually been doing this (even if my thoughts sometimes get distracted with dumb ideas about 'fixing' H).
Last night I volunteered at D16's school fete and spent the evening talking with a navy engineer about Swedish diplomatic and defence policy. It was a great change from talking to the kids and the dog - which is mostly what I've been doing for the past 7 months!
Next Sat night I am going to a high school reunion to meet up with people I haven't seen in 35 years. Nervously excited.
Must say I'm looking forward just a little bit to letting H know that I'm going... but really, I'm pretty much (well, 80% at least) accepting of the fact that I need to move on with my life without him.
And since I've been radiating this new-found awareness/acceptance, I have been noticing baby steps from H. He's ringing me now about the kids rather than just texting. And saying things like 'See you when I get there" and coming into the house, rather than just dropping the kids off.
I'm noting these things, but not with any expectations. I'm sure we'll go backwards again as soon as the next financial issue rears its head.
My H is not such a big prize - sure, I want him to come back as a part of our family, but if it can't happen because of who he's become, well, so be it. I'll survive - and prosper, I hope.
