Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

So the W and I are going to MC tomorrow morning. The last two days I've been doing a lot of thinking, and although I don't know how what direction I want to take, I can't shake the feeling that I really just want a decision to be made one way or another.

A big part of me just wants to start along the process of getting a separation agreement going. We still have another 6 months until we can get a D, but I feel like I just want to move on. Every month that goes by seems less 'productive' than the last.

It's been a long time since I've felt loved by my W, well before our separation, and I'm just flat out tired. I feel like I've made huge strides to become a better person and she's stuck where she is. I haven't seen any signs of her changing, and now I'm just feeling like she might never be the wife I need.

Obviously, I'm conflicted about all of this. If she went into tomorrow with the game plan of reconciliation, I'd want to explore that first. I'm hoping for it, but surely not expecting it. I just want to move forward with my life. I deserve to be happy, and every other aspect of my life I am. I'm just trying to figure out if moving forward without her is 'strategy' or me actually getting on with my life... I hope it's the latter.

Praying that tomorrow is the start of something new... a new direction... a positive direction...