am i better off without him?

[sandi2]

I have a family member who remarried and each of them had children. His W left him once b/c of his kids. I think she had to be assured that she came before his kids before she returned to the M. Years later, his kids are still awful excuses for adults, but the M lasted.

Here's the point I want to make....there were three sides that needed to realize who came first in that family relationship. Your H needed to know who he put first. His children needed to know. And, you needed to know. It seems as if you know how it should be (the H & W come first with each other), but sadly, your H does not realize he should place his W first or has chosen to make the wrong decision.

As long as he chooses to give his grown children first place in his life, he will not be the man he needs to be in a M with you (or any woman). He's passive and his kids take advantage. That puts you in the category of "bad guy" from now on. There is only one person who can change that, and he apparently doesn't want to.

Talking to him about this situation will not change his mind. He has to figure it out for himself. At some point, my family member opened his eyes and realized he was not as happy without his W as he was when she was there. At some point, he stood up to his kids and let them hear from him...not his wife, that she came first. They were shocked!

I strongly encourage you to know what you want, be realistic, and then make goals to to set about accomplishing those things.

You can be the one he wants to be with, but right now he doesn't seem to get it. What can you do to be the woman a man would fight to have her in his life?