wife mlc? help

[Quorumof1]

This is a long post but I hope some of it is sinking in...and your words are useful for guidance...

[s][/s]
ANYHOW...what you need to digest is that the couples who successfully RECONCILE,

IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT (b/c I can't tell)

are the ones in which the LBSer bravely looks within to find their flaws and to change THEMSELVES...without any guarantee that they'll get their spouses back

but they will be better people.

IF YOU WANT TO RECONCILE....

THEN HERE IS WHAT MY DB COACH TOLD ME TO DO & much of it applies to your situation...

The goal is to

1) KEEP THE ROAD HOME, PAVED & SMOOTH (so don't make it harder to come back than it already would be)

2) Lose the anger, esp in front of your wife.

3) Applaud loudly for hte 1% positives She does...even when it's hard.

4) Do NOT bad mouth the OM. That just unites them, and is beneath you.

Be the better man, the better choice, w/o obsessing about them...

5) Be a man only a fool would leave.

6) Do NOT challenge her choices, b/c then you force her to defend those choices more, and that cements them in...

7) Demonstrate through your behavior & actions...

how YOU would be different in the marriage If you were to be given another chance.

That's the only way She'll believe marriage to you can be good.

8) Read the Five Love Languages as fast as you can.

I believe you still have a chance to turn this around.

Do you want to? Think hard about that....sometimes it's about "winning" as opposed to loving.

If this is your pride, then move on.

But know there is a fine but important line between self respect and false pride.

Many MANY people confuse them.

Those angry prideful LBSers say "show the WASs the consequences" or "teach the WAS a lesson"

and that is pride talking about taking punitive measures...not coming from a place of love.

It Never helps, it Always backfires. Shaming them fails, as it should.

I really hope for your kids sake and your wife's sake and yours

that you will try to turn this around by

working on YOU and YOURSELF...b/c

if she sees changes in you that she believes in,

you have a real chance of restoring the marriage into a beautiful thing.

Wow, this is some outstanding commentary. Very insightful. I will be reflecting on this for my own situation. I can only say that I wish I'd found this site a few years ago instead of now. But then I expect many here feel or have felt that way.

Q1