Brand New here, my story, my ?'s

[Ichrus]

Updates:

So last night W is telling me about the apartments she is looking at, the place she really likes is close, clean, has full washer dryer, etc. She is worried and stressed about having to deal with all this on her own, money and details and such, and also says it is weird talking to me about it and she doesn't feel she has anyone else she can talk to about this stuff (her Mom is not very supportive of her decisions right now, OM seems to be pulling back, she has not really reached out to her siblings, maybe fearing judgement). I basically listened, validated a bit along the lines of "I can see and understand how it will be scary for you to deal with this on your own now, but I am sure you will figure it out".

I certainly want her to get a nice place nearby for all of our sakes (the kids especially)...but am really trying to stay way out of the process. Just got a text from her: "Sent an email this morning to my mom about the apartment. she responded with a very hurtful unsupported reply, ugh!! don't know how much more i can deal with". I think I am just going to let that text sit and not reply at all.

W is back in the home regularly now, but sleeping on the couch every night. Seems to be not as physically sick anymore, but still very mentally stressed. I guess one of my 180's lately has been to really sit, look and listen to her while she vents about how hard this all is. I try to just validate and let her speak, don't really offer any advice or try to "fix" anything and don't really slide in any comments to stick it to her like "I told you this was going to be way harder then you thought". Any advice or thoughts on this aspect of my current sitch? I feel a bit conflicted about trying to be detached, a little LRT/dark/dim but on the other hand one of her main complaints was that I wasn't there to listen and just let her vent, and now she seems to be reaching out a bit to me for this

Right now I plan to try to stay as detached as possible, keep working my GAL's, I do plan on still being there to listen and let her vent a bit, but not get overly involved in it or offer anything to the conversation. I believe she might be learning and feeling a bit of the life lessons of what this will cost, and I am glad for that. I don't expect her to change her mind or come running back or anything (I certainly would not be throwing myself at her feet thanking her...would have to be a very serious conversation and decision for both of us...but for the kids and myself I am still leaning toward trying to make us work if at all possible).

I still expect and plan on her moving out (and divorce as well) sometime come early June and both of us adjusting to our new, separate lives and parenting. I don't know that this will be the end of our story together...and as you all say, certainly anything can happen over time (between now and June and even after she moves out). But I do feel I am much more at peace and prepared to continue to work on my own happiness and life, and build a great future for me and my kids (and whatever "lucky" woman I might find in the future...even if it is my W again).