Yes, please keep us updated! I am trying so hard not to give up, but it seems so hopeless at times, because he doesn't initiate contact!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
So far we are doing great. I am almost finished my first year of school. Yesterday, was my first day without any pain. My H was a tremendous help while I was on bed rest. I just wish I could get him do a little more. LOL
He wants us to buy a house instead of us renting the townhouse that we are now living in. I told him that I had to be honest with him. I said that you left me in 2010 and 2011. 2012 is still young and I was not ready for that step yet. He decides to leave me then I will still have a place that I can afford. He was upset but said that he understood.
The other day he mentioned to me and sorry if this is TMI, but he said since December we have had sex twice. I replied I know but at least our relationship is not being built on sex but on us. Sex is not an option right now because of medical reasons. He is a nurse so he understands awhole lot more. Hopefully soon. LOL
WOW! I can't believe today is April 30th. Things are going well for us. But, I do have something that is eating at me for some time now and I don't know how to handle it.
I looked in his phone (I know that was wrong, but I wanted to see if he has been truthful with me) anyway, he still has the OW name and number in his phone and they are still friends on FB. Why doesn't he just delete them? I asked my therapist this and she said it makes him feel that he is still in control of something in his life and I should be patient and he might in time when he is ready. When will that be. How do I get this to stop eating at me?
I feel if I say anything to him, this would just put wedge in between us. Also, he will know that I have checked his FB page and his phone. That would make him furious with me and accuse me of being the old me.
I have been trying to catch up with everyone's post since tax season is now over. And I have noticed a lot of new people here unfortuately.
It is unfortunate that he hasn't blocked her, but I think your IC is right. Your H fears needing you more than you need him, and knowing OW is out there is probably something that makes him feel more secure and in-control. If things truly are going well, then you really should forget about it -- remember that what you focus on expands. If you focus on this, you're headed for a confrontation.
If you focus on your changes and what a good partner you're being, that will expand instead and OW will not be a concern.
I know it's hard, but reassure yourself that you are worth having and if H chooses to stray again, that will be his loss. Live your life that way and you'll be in a good place.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Yep, the best thing you can do with H's phone is not look. Remember, any suspicion that you get, your imagination will fill in the worst possible interpretation of events.
You and I have both been cheated on. It's very tempting to live "on defense" and constantly have our guard up. That's no way to live.
For what it's worth, my attitude is "I'm going to be the best partner I can be. W can make her own choices in terms of pursuing affairs, and then I will make my choices about leaving."
If he's cheating again, you'll know. Leave it at that.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
