Plus, I think she's going through one of her spells or something. She's become distant and moody. Or uncaring. Could she be in contact with OM? I don't know. Maybe. I don't chase her down to find out. I tell her where I stand on it and that's all I can do. She's a liar though. A big one. She'll hide things and lie to cover her tracks. Usually I can tell. I'm in limbo right now - not know what's going on. Just that she's distance herself from me.
The ups and downs and stress (and not showing my stress) is really getting the best of me. I feel it all the time. Suppressing it makes it worse sometimes. Being in a constant mode of cheerfulness is a struggle. What does she want? What should I do? Where should I turn?
I want to be settled and comfortable for a moment so I can recover from this battle-ridden fatigue. She's in control of our situation and she knows it. She can manipulate the path we're on. I need to get off this path and be me. I'm tired.
tpc,
You cannot control her moods, and it's not your job to cheer her up. You are still WAY too focused on HER, and not on your own life, your own goals, what makes YOU happy and fulfilled. I realize -- we all do -- that "a happy, faithful marriage, with my wife" is likely one of your BIGGEST goals, but it cannot be at the sacrifice of all the others. That's not happiness; that's co-dependency, and it's not healthy or good.
Leave your wife's career goals to your wife, and set out on an aggressive improvement plan for YOURSELF. Your mode with her should be "How can I help?" and to listen and to validate -- nothing more. She will let you know what, if anything, she needs from you.
What I'm recommending carries the double benefit of making YOU happier/healthier, and also BUILDS ATTRACTION.
I know you already know all this, but I hope maybe it helps to have an outside perspective.
