first, please address the other questions I posed in those lengthy posts.
I thought I got them all. This is what I found that I missed:
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You want to make her wrong and crazy and tell yourself you're a great guy.
Posting this here to try to give a complete background but not trying to project this to her.
Recently: Not pointing out her faults, I'm taking blame and telling her stuff I should have done differently when I'm actually speaking to her.
2 Months ago: I put pressure on her for her to improve, told her stuff she did that I did not like. This probably pushed situation over the edge. Can not take it back. I made a huge mistake by not completely owning up do the incident with the girl. Instead of just apologizing like crazy what I did was... apologize, but point out that wife suggested I get a mistress. Then go on to tell her how nice it was to have someone that wanted to be with me, looked at me like that wanted me, etc. This put a huge amount of pressure on her and certainly let to her belief that she could never be what I needed. I know this was a mistake.
But your right, otherwise inside I think I have been good husband and she has ignored me and not been "as good of" a wife.
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Dig deeper. Be a man only a fool would leave. Turn things around by changing YOU.
I am changing me (now).
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I doubt her anti-depressants would be a custody issue, b/c guess what?
If you believe she's not mentally fit to take care of the kids, why'd you leave her with them all these years? You can't have it both ways.
I avoided this one because I would rather make it about fixing things not dealing with divorce/custody disputes. She has not shared a lot of medical history but I have been digging since. I haven't really "left" her with kids. I've been gone 2 nights (on a trip with friends), and maybe around 10 nights (on business trips) in last 8 years since we have had kids. The couple times she took kids since separation talk everyone stated at her parents. The 3 lawyers I spoke to thing it will be a big deal. The instructions from her doctors for some of the meds specifically say to not take them unless someone else is able to watch/help with kids. I would think this would be a issue for someone that wants primary custody.
She has only appears to be over the edge in the last week or so. I am more worried about fixing things now, and then dealing with custody if it comes to that. Her actions with the kids seems OK.
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Second, You are posting here, she is not.
You are the only person we can advise. You cannot change her.
You are the only person you have any control over. Learn to see this as empowering.
That's why I am here.. I need help dealing with it from others that have had to. I think I can do it, I just going to need some luck on getting the TIME to do it.
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So what are YOU doing for your growth? What are your GAL and 180s?[/color]
This is difficult for me to pinpoint because last Oct/Nov she threw out separation talk a little, and at that point I thought I was more than likely to be the one that would want to split. I tried to keep it to myself. I had already known there were a couple of attractive ladys that where interested in me and I thought grass would be greener on other side. I had a few flings that she never found out about (yes, I realize it was wrong now!)
At that time I started being more active, running and working out. Getting out of house to hang out with friends (1 to 2 times per week). Previously I never did anything with friends.
Then late Jan she was the one that wanted out. It just hit me then that I wanted marriage to work. It was my epiphany moment. Yes, it should have hit me sooner, but it didn't.
I've added weight lifting. Trying to take running to next step by signing up for a 5k. Change in diet. I pretty much stopped all computer use and watching TV completely (if I was on the computer or watching TV before when she was having to do something for the kids or clean it would really upset her). I've starting taking on some household cleaning. I try to do 50%+ of kids work now. Encourage her to go out. I stopped going out completely (not sure if this is a 180, this was my 180 before so I reverted back to old me). I've tried to throw in something odd, I wanted to take kids by myself to beach for short trip but she freaked out. I pulled up bushes in the yard and put down new ones (wasn't really a good reason to do it, just something I wanted to do). I stopped calling her completely (which I never did a lot of before). Tried surprising her by picking her up for lunch (called to ask, we work in different cities so never did this before) but I was rejected. Not making advances toward her. Not making any physical contact with her. Not sure what else to change! I'm thinking about hiring a maid... any time wife has to do any housework she gets really upset. Or get up before her and start vacuuming to freak her out.
