Well ... I'm back

[tpc1977]

Thank you. I will look for something like that. Nothing listed yet, though.


We had a pitfall yesterday. I showed her how upset I was knowing she has not been up to date with her calls for testing. Even though I'm not pushing her to get her nursing license back (honestly I want her to do what makes her happy in her career choice) I do want her to continue to do the easy things so it will remain an option. She's shooting herself in the foot by not calling, not going to meetings regularly and not staying on top of her NA steps. She's basically given up - or gotten to a point where she doesn't care.

Should I talk to her about it? Maybe if I fully understand where she's coming from I can be less upset. But right now I figure she's not doing even enough for the board to look in her general direction.

Plus, I think she's going through one of her spells or something. She's become distant and moody. Or uncaring. Could she be in contact with OM? I don't know. Maybe. I don't chase her down to find out. I tell her where I stand on it and that's all I can do. She's a liar though. A big one. She'll hide things and lie to cover her tracks. Usually I can tell. I'm in limbo right now - not know what's going on. Just that she's distance herself from me.

The ups and downs and stress (and not showing my stress) is really getting the best of me. I feel it all the time. Suppressing it makes it worse sometimes. Being in a constant mode of cheerfulness is a struggle. What does she want? What should I do? Where should I turn?

I want to be settled and comfortable for a moment so I can recover from this battle-ridden fatigue. She's in control of our situation and she knows it. She can manipulate the path we're on. I need to get off this path and be me. I'm tired.