PrincessP, I've lost a lot of weight (by default really, because I had no appetite in the first weeks of this mess), I've changed how I dress, I work out. I'm not asking any questions, I am not telling H about anything that's going on in my life (not that he'd ask anyway), I never call or text, and I sometimes don't answer calls or texts either and when I do I set a timer for over an hour before I respond, which I usually do with less than 3 words if possible. When H comes over, I act upbeat and happy and we laugh, but I make sure I always leave the room or the conversation first and I try to do so when it's at peak (ie when we are laughing or having a good time with S). I try to not take his baits, I don't answer questions that are loaded, but remain silent. I feel that when I leave the room/apt when he actually wants me to stay, it pisses him off but he can't point his finger at me, because I am not angry or sad or accusative (he wishes I were, I can feel that). It's like a game. I don't know, but right now I feel I can give this MLC and affair over the summer, and then I will see how I feel and what's going on and take another decision then. If I do my part, the OW will hopefully look bad (because H wants to spend a lot of time with S and I suppose at some time it will make her more demanding of his time and affection). And demanding of him I will NOT be. It's not easy (esp. since I DO depend on him for $$), but whatever the outcome, I try to remember that this is not MY crisis, it is HIS - although it spills over into my and our son's life. I have to just try to make sure my own little private boat is watertight enough for the ride and that I am moving on no matter what. The truth is that I am in a better place than H is. I'm lucky because I am not particularly interested in the OW and I am not very jealous by nature. Oh, I also try to take this painful time as a time for introspection, this is a lesson to learn from. I'm very impatient, so this is a great time for me to learn to be patient and to learn to SHUT UP. What a long, rambling post! Are you far from NYC? We could have an MLC get together with the kids.
