W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P2

[25yearsmlc]

Update and vent- Well my W and I still have not talked about any R talk even though she said she would like to after I got back from my trip. I'm so confused and lost by this.

what's confusing? She said she'd like to talk but then didn't. So she changed her mind. This has happened before. Do not follow up. LET HER...

Venting-I went to the soccer coaches meeting with my W that signed up to be the coach and informed me later that she will be gone for sure 2 of the games and maybe 2 others for races she will be running. I also ending up chasing my S around the whole time and didn't get to hear anything of the meeting. On top of that I played soccer for many many years and my W never played so I find it funny she is going to coach and the whole rest of the room was men that we coaching.


you mean you are angry, not that you "find it funny" correct? Why not say that then? I'm not being petty. I think you have a very passive/aggressive way of communicating and this is a small example.

also, who cares if you had to watch your son while SHE listened to the meeting? One of you had to watch him and one of you had to listen...or one of you could have babysat son...

How h*ll can someone that is divorcing me and then say that they want to maybe work on things but won't talk about it and ask me to coach with them or for them?


b/c she's confused. Lose the anger and see if things clear up for her.


Things have been very amenable but this just still bothers me.


oh...well if things have been "very amenable" BUT this just still bothers you --then by all means stare at what bothers you and focus on the negative...

oh wait, that's backwards. As the DB moderators say, what you focus on tends to expand. Stop being negative and critical. I have to say your posts reek of anger more than anything else.

I KNOW you are in pain. But dang, the need to be "right" and the angry resentment HURTS YOUR CAUSE...

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I've asked you this before.

If we sit here and agree with you that your wife is "crazy" and mean or whatever it is you suspect or want us to say

it won't help you decide what to do... it'll keep you stuck where you are.


My W also informed me tonight she has signed up for like 6 or more other races. I love that she is doing her running that she loves but I first thought in my head, man I must just be the babysitter.

so you do not "love" that she is racing, and doing what she loves. You said you did, but then you inserted the "BUT"...

actually, You resent it. You think it's about you or it takes away from you, instead of her simply needing an outlet UNRELATED to you.

You said you are a homebody. She is a runner. Why is she "wrong" to be different? Why are you "right" to be a homebody?

maybe it's smothering. Maybe she thinks you judge her? Personally, I think running is among the healthiest things she can do.

When she runs, who would YOU prefer to have watching your son? A babysitter? OR would you like to have that much more time with him?

And btw, when you say you are "babysitting"=

but you are actually caring for your own child,

it's called parenting.


My W asked to bring our running stroller (that my sister let us borrow) to the soccer meeting and my W was dressed in her running clothes at the meeting. I will admit her running was a point of contention as I always felt like that all she wanted to do. I'm somewhat of a homebody so I was ok with it but this much running on top of her work, school, trips, soccer coaching, and whatever else is crazy to me.

you said she didn't coach before. You coached. Did she feel neglected by that? (Ever ask her?)

Rather than address this^^ point by point, I'll just say you must lose your scorecard. ANd the controlling stuff pouring out of this post is also not helpful to you or your cause. Stop condemning her choices too. That just forces her to defend them and not reflect on them. Don't say she's "Crazy" b/c a lot of what YOU are posting here is very conflicted and so she could say the same.

"Crazy" is a judgemental word used to deflect from our own work.

I want to be supportive and work on our M if she is open too but


see any pattern to your wording and your approach? See any conditions attached?

she keeps saying she is too busy at work to even reply to the one email I sent just asking if we were going to talk since I'm back from my trip now.


STOP NAGGING HER TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE R...

it cannot possibly help you to nag, email and or ask about "talking". She knows how to reach you. No more pressure and no more anger. Geez...back off...


Sorry but using I'm busy at work to even respond to an email for days is a lame excuse for me.

OMG - no wonder she does not want to have a relationship talk with you...read what you write here, and try harder to HEAR your tone throughout...

I asked her tonight after the meeting and delivering the stroller to her if we could talk and she said she had been so busy at work again so she didn't have time to reply. I said I'm her now so we could discuss whatever. She said not in front of our S which is ok I guess but I didn't plan on fighting


To be blunter than ever, you must learn to STFU.
did you expect a loving happy conversation, FORCED out of her? She did not want to talk then. WHY do you keep doing what does not work? Once she says "not in front of" Then that is your cue to leave.


with her or even say much. I said well you are welcome to call or come over anytime when you want to talk. I know I have probably broken the rules and it seems like I'm pursuing but really I just want to talk if that's what she wants to do. IT IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO OR SHE'D BE DOING IT....

I could sit here and guess why she has not yet but I'm done doing that.

Are you serious? You don't know why she does not want to talk about the r with you? I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not.

And it does not "SEEM" like you are pursuing. YOU ARE pursuing, and it's really coming off as pushy and needy and angry and clingy,

and is, no offense, such a turn off.

What happened to the plan? The upbeat GAL guy who is warm and pleasant and receptive BUT not pressuring her and NOT judging her?

what about being the best dad you can be and lovingly interacting with son without expectation?

What about losing the anger???? You say you are "not exactly DBing" but Snowman...can you tell me how you have DBd at all?

I am sincerely asking. All I see here is more of the same old you. Where is the progress?

What do YOU feel YOU have learned or changed in YOU these past months? What is it that would make your wife feel

marriage to you from this day forward, would be better/different than before?

If you refuse to answer that question, then this is pointless.



Ok, am I being irrational about the soccer thing or what as well as all the running races?

Yes...actually you seem really controlling and negatively projecting bad about both. Drop it. Why not Be glad she's learning about soccer and NOT running?....you'll have something in common....geez...


I love my S and love to watch him but not to just be a babysitter for all her fun and to fill in for a responsibility that she signed up for without asking me about it.

wtf are you talking about now? Stop saying one thing when you mean another.

I thought you wanted more time with him...but what you really mean is you want to control what SHE does...you are not "supportive" of her running, you resent it. You SAY you want more time with your son but if it benefits her at all, then you don't....

I guess we will see what happens after some more time. Vent done.

I got some relief by going to a movie with a friend. It was a comedy so I feel better but I had to get that off my chest. Let me know what you all think.

well you know what I think.

Hey, Why haven't you written and sent the letter already?

Can I guess why?

was it B/C You got too "Confused" by her (Read, ANGRY) to send it...?

Sorry for the 2 x 4's.

I am sure I also make you angry, but I think you are blowing this big time and you could turn this around.

But you must distinguish between self respect and being prideful,

you must lose your anger from a wounded ego, and recognize the bitter edge in your words....all of which harms your cause.

I'm sure she senses that even more than I do just reading them.

These are choices YOU are making. You sure this is what you really want?