I went long boarding in the park tonight to try to pull myself out of the funk I suddenly find myself in. Helped a bit, but I think a date with the 3 basses upstairs is in order, too.
If I am being honest (25), the indignation of having my wages garnished is adding to the problem. I don't like the court telling me to take care of my family. I have never NOT done that. I have consistently given her checks since we reached an agreement without hesitating. I guess I am also stressing out because it won't be too long before my finances are wrecked from all of this and I have tried so hard my whole life to be cautious and responsible with money and then something like this kicks in. I know that is my ego talking, my sense of self-pride - and that is a luxury I probably can't afford right now.
Tonight my wife texted me that she is looking to buy a jogging stroller. I am happy she is getting out and taking care of herself - but part of me was thinking - great, I'm looking to stay solvent. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think, but I am having a hard time with it. A very hard time.
Regarding IVF, I know I am going to have to sack up and say something sooner or later. I just don't want to screw things up somehow and I know now is not the time to talk about it.
I know I have made great progress, but today I think I just hit a wall. Tomorrow will be better, but today my emotions just caved in on me. I still feel trapped in this terrible process....I still feel like I will never have my son back in my life full time again. I still miss my wife terribly, and I am still hurting inside a bit. It's been going on awhile so I suppose you can only keep your chin up for son long before you just have to put it down for a day. Today was that day I guess.
Thanks everyone for your support, guidance and advice. It has really meant a lot to me over these several months. Wouldn't have made it this far without you. And I mean that.
