Just left counselors office. Why is it that I always leave her office feeling worse than when I go in? She basically told me to hang my marriage on the shelf and to go on and accept the divorce and be thankful he is being so generous. She said I should accept the fact that he is no longer in love with me and try to find someone who loves me totally. This has just knocked me down about three steps. I think I should find a new counselor.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Just left counselors office. Why is it that I always leave her office feeling worse than when I go in? She basically told me to hang my marriage on the shelf and to go on and accept the divorce and be thankful he is being so generous. She said I should accept the fact that he is no longer in love with me and try to find someone who loves me totally. This has just knocked me down about three steps. I think I should find a new counselor.
Absolutely find a new counselor! If the C is not pro-marriage, she will tell you to find happiness being single. Some simply are not equipped to give guidance in M problems.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know you must be down about the counselling session, but don't feel bad about feeling bad or having a bad day. We all have them, but we all have good days as well. It's making the most of the good days on this long road, and remembering what made them good that gets you out of feeling so down.
Make sure you get out of the house, even if it is just for a walk,clear your head & if your day doesn't get any better,don't worry there's always tomorrow.
If you are looking for a quick fix to brighten your mood, sometimes I turn to youtube & watch a best of fail compilation - (mostly people hurting themselves doing crazy things) usually works even if it is just for 5 mins.
Take care wishing & keep posting
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
I was feeling pretty positive this morning but now I am feeling hopeless and defeated and I haven't even really started yet. Need to shake it off.
OMG get a new mc. And fwiw, EVERY mc we saw, or I saw in private, told ME that h was "acting single" and "being selfish" and "it is what it is" and pretty much left me with no action to take but divorce...
which made me feel "right But powerless" to do anything about it...
until I did the DB thing and found a new mc.
I informed the new one of my intentions with DBing and that I was going to do my best to make it work, BUT "not at all costs".
I essentially asked him for support to make sure I had left no stone unturned. He was very helpful once he got on board and saw that I wasn't being a doormat, but just really wanted to figure things out.
He'd check me for motivations when I got defensive or angry and he'd check me on pursuing too much or what to tell the kids. (He was very helpful w/that).
And seeing the L made me feel that I was not trapped. I was CHOOSING to stay in the marriage, a bit longer...and then another bit...
My Db coach was a Godsend, with very specific helpful advice.
Also internally I had a deadline. My oldest d was in high school. I wanted the least amount of disruption for her as possible. (Same for younger d). I figured once she graduated from high school I'd be reconciled or divorcing... it helped me to know there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
So get another counselor. I wish I could call that woman myself. She has no business calling herself a MARRIAGE counselor and just telling you to throw in the towel TODAY??
Sheesh...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Just left counselors office. Why is it that I always leave her office feeling worse than when I go in?
b/c she was not solution based...she was either rehashing the problems or staring at what your h SAYS he wants now...
so she's interpreting it for you INSTEAD of helping you navigate through it.
She basically told me to hang my marriage on the shelf and to go on and accept the divorce and be thankful he is being so generous.
Really? So is she also a divorce L?
She said I should accept the fact that he is no longer in love with me and try to find someone who loves me totally. has she met your h? Does she know him well? How long have you been seeing her and "working" on the marriage?
This has just knocked me down about three steps. I think I should find a new counselor.
yes please find a new mc
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I called an old friend who is going through a similar scenario with his wife and we compared notes. It was nice to hear a friendly voice. He brought me back from the edge.
Thanks 25 and breakdownbill. I even told the counselor of my intentione to save my relationship and she asked me what percentage of myself was hoping to reconcile the relationship and what percentage was accepting the inevitable divorce.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
yes please