Not sure where to start

[25yearsmlc]

I was feeling pretty positive this morning but now I am feeling hopeless and defeated and I haven't even really started yet. Need to shake it off.

OMG get a new mc. And fwiw, EVERY mc we saw, or I saw in private, told ME that h was "acting single" and "being selfish" and "it is what it is" and pretty much left me with no action to take but divorce...

which made me feel "right But powerless" to do anything about it...


until I did the DB thing and found a new mc.

I informed the new one of my intentions with DBing and that I was going to do my best to make it work, BUT "not at all costs".


I essentially asked him for support to make sure I had left no stone unturned. He was very helpful once he got on board and saw that I wasn't being a doormat, but just really wanted to figure things out.

He'd check me for motivations when I got defensive or angry and he'd check me on pursuing too much or what to tell the kids. (He was very helpful w/that).

And seeing the L made me feel that I was not trapped. I was CHOOSING to stay in the marriage, a bit longer...and then another bit...

My Db coach was a Godsend, with very specific helpful advice.

Also internally I had a deadline. My oldest d was in high school. I wanted the least amount of disruption for her as possible. (Same for younger d). I figured once she graduated from high school I'd be reconciled or divorcing...

it helped me to know there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

So get another counselor. I wish I could call that woman myself. She has no business calling herself a MARRIAGE counselor and just telling you to throw in the towel TODAY??

Sheesh...