Just wanted to post a little about a book that I’m reading that has made me feel so much better about my sitch.
It’s Peter o’Connor’s Understanding the mlc.

He’s writing from the perspective of a 35 yo man who’s had the mlc experience himself – and also from the point of view of a researcher who subsequently interviewed a lot of mlc men.

The book is presented as an aid to men who are going through what they think is some sort of shocking, unique individual experience. Trying to show them that a lot of men have these terrifying feelings of chaos, futility and hopelessnessat around the ages of 35-45.

The detailed discussion of men’s feelings about their wives, parents, adolescent children, OW, their jobs, and their mortality fitted my H’s behaviours to a T.

The book is out of print now, I think, but for anyone whose H is going through this (or even a W), this description of how the mlc-er is feeling and why they are acting as they do is a must-read.

Having said that, I should point out that O’Connor doesn’t offer any solutions – beyond the advice that mlc men need to look inward and stop focusing on external solutions (ie buying possessions, chasing OW, engaging in manic physical activity, acting like an adolescent).

My question to you all is whether ANYONE thinks it is ever a good idea to suggest some reading to a spouse.

I know what MWD says about the uselessness of cutting out articles on mlc to show them.

It just seems, in relation to this book, that it was written as something to help men who find themselves in this sort of turmoil but believe they are the only ones who feel like this – and they can’t understand why.

I imagine it would help an mlcer like my H (who is a great reader and relatively sophisticated thinker – usually) to get a bit of insight into what is going on.

AND if, as O’Connor argues, the only thing that will help an mlc-er is to look inward, a book like this might just serve as a necessary catalyst.

And yet, it seems to be a suggestion that is doomed to fail.

My H has already denied the possibility that he is going through an mlc.

Has anyone ever had any success in suggesting reading of this sort to an mlc spouse?