I agree you sound like you did a great job handling yourself.
So my only add is, while you remain distant because it is necessary for you AND your H, observe for physically destructive, depression behaviours...
If he crashes... if he is going to emotionally crash... it might be good/healthy for him... so long as he doesn't actually hurt himself in the process...
You don't need to get caught up and be all co-D, just for the sake of your kids, in case...
