WAW close to moving out, please help

[cdavis]

Thanks for replying... I've read many of your posts and hoped you would see my thread!

Does she have a history of psychiatric issues?

Depression, anxiety...

Have you called her mentally ill?

Not directly, but told her (once) I was concerned she acting this because of changes in medication. She obviously has the impression I think she is mentally ill. I will never bring it up again, I was concerned for her. I told her I did not think it was normal to quit on a marriage of 12yrs that involved 3 kids without trying to work out differences. So I certainly implied it.

are you an MD? Why are you diagnosing her? You don't seem to get how insulting this is to her. And how she must want to flee your presence. IT does not come across as loving to me.

It looks manipulative, and as if you want to make this about her being crazy

I don't necessarily tell her these things, I was trying to post a "full picture" here. For example when I found the list (which I do think is paranoid/crazy), I only showed it to her and told her I would never do those things, and had not.

overburdened wife w/3 kids.. doesn't ask WHY that would be or try to help.... etc.

I did certainly did not do 50% of work before, but have generally been pulling my weight for last 2 months. I AM more involved than most men. Shown improvement here.

90% of women on anti-depressants have h's whom they describe as "Critical."

Defiantly something I need to work on.

so you never picked up on how unhappy your wife was until right then? Never?

I did, and I should have done more. I was caught in rut... she did not do anything for me so I didn't want to do for her. I see the light now.

I think you are missing a real opportunity here.

A chance to change your life and improve your marriage.

I see it, I am making changes and want to fix/improve marriage. Accepted blame for my faults and told wife I could and would do better to correct them, and have followed through with action.

Your w sounds very sad, overworked, vastly under appreciated, with low self esteem...she is desparate to be happy. I think the kissing of OW which your w's friend witnessed, was very destructive. I'm shocked you don't think it was a big deal. Another dagger to her ego I'm sure.

Agree. I think its a big deal but W says its not. It defiantly prompted her to walk away. She was talking about wanting Separation before that. I can't take it back. I told her I was wrong to do it.

So how are YOU showing that you are different now?

Taking kids out on my own. Further encouraging here to go out with friends, etc. Trying to be supportive and helpful whenever possible. I did about half laundry before, but starting doing most of it along with cleaning up house on my own. Have watched kids so she could work late a lot recently (I think she is napping during day so needs to work more at night).

Your "3 weeks" made me slap my forehead.

I "get" this. But contested divorce will likely kill relationship forever. Told her I would be OK if she stayed as a roommate to buy time. I need to show improvement, now quick, just to get a delay to buy time.

but I don't know what changes you are making. ANY 180s?

Started running, working out... very noticeable changes already (15 lbs of weight gone, muscle gain) over last couple months. Dress better. She as largely attributed my changes to "doing it for other girls" either now or for when after we split. I pick up kids and take them out to dinner on my own more. I stopped using computers at home. I started being fully involved in bedtime process.

Have you gotten some counselling to see what you can work on to improve yourself?

No, looking at myself. Just got DR book, and posts here.

Thanks!