Hi Zig - well thank you for your lovely compliment blush I have my moments of panic for sure, but I try to keep myself as balanced as possible. The coach I am talking to is pro-relationship/marriage. I am ever so blessed to have found him, so I very much appreciate his guidance. He suits me well because I do believe in universal powers, and so does he (not necessarily on a religious level, although that is perfectly fine if you do) You could believe in God, or 'the universe' or "The Light" - whatever suits your beliefs. Even if not spiritually inclined, I would imagine that atheists believe that their inner selves guide them - but I'm not sure about that. Anyway...

On Monday, I got an email from my husband that I found very distressing. I emailed him to offer some support and to offer to see him. He said no, and I felt rejected. Bear in mind, I have offered time and effort to him in the resent past since the S and he has tended to turn it down. So, I have since stopped entirely, but this last Monday my humanity instinct just kicked in and I offered.

So, my coach recommended a few exercises:

- EFT tap on the feelings of rejection.
I did and it did work well! If you need the EFT points, youtube has a ton of them. EFT works with all kinds of emotions - despair, hopelessness, worry, anxiety etc. It's free and it's easy!


- Also, that my H is not rejecting me; that his brain is reacting the only way it knows how- he's trying to empower himself in a dis-regulated state. His wounded self is speaking not his "higher self". He feels threatened by his own confusion of wanting to be with you and yet not being able to handle things from a stress perspective.

That reframing just helped my own brain cope better and thus feel more compassionate - which helps with any future interactions.

- Generally, try to reframe things and soften my own interpretations of what I am doing. So, instead of me saying things like "I'm backing off" it can be reframed as "giving space for the universe to work this out". Instead of, "I'm throwing in the towel", another reframe could be: "I'm going to give myself time to allow this relationship to have a chance to heal and myself to find balance".

This helps to allow the space we need to enter, without making any solid YES or NO cutthroat decisions.

Traditionally, I've been a 'yes or no' kind of person, mainly because I just like to get things done. However, this process has really been teaching me the value of patience and trust, and letting go of my control. So, in a crazy way, I'm in gratitude. I wish I could have learned these lessons in a different way, but if this is the way, then so be it. I figure that if I don't learn about this now, later on something else will come my way that will force the lesson on me.