New Day Rising

[greatwhitenorth]

Well, he responded to the email, sort of. But not to the information about the boat.

He simply said his friend was in town and could he call me to come and get his rifle out of the cabinet. That's it. Doesn't seem to care a wink about vermin in the boat.

Every email he sends me these days (not that there's many) opens with "sorry to bother you." Can someone give me some insight as to what is up with that? Drives me nuts.

Thanks 4MF, for your reply. I don't know if H has a diagnosable personality disorder. He certainly is passive aggressive, but that is a behavior not a disorder. He has admitted to stuffing things down and he's clearly a conflict avoider. He's told me absolutely nothing about his past. Big gaping black hole. That's an issue. I used to think his mother was awesome, but now I see that she bought him out of his marriage for $25k to pay off his vehicle. Clearly there's a deep-seated problem there. But diagnosable PD...who knows?

It's interesting that his first marriage twenty years ago lasted only two years. Apparently he came back after about a year saying he made a mistake, but she had borne his child so it's very different.

I've been reading about "mirage men" lately. These men fall "in love" quickly, assume their object's interests and seek approval through their words and actions. As the relationship progresses and they realize there's no common interests they resign themselves to their situation, and then they become resentful that, in their opinion, they have been subsumed by their partner. The punch line in all of this is that the MO behind this is an unwillingness to be their authentic selves and a profound avoidance of true intimacy. Alot of this is my husband, especially the true intimacy part. He said he loved me at week three. Yeah, BS I thought at the time. But I saw the common interests so stuck it out. That's the difference between my marriage and the typical "mirage relationship" - we have many things in common, the true basis of something real.

So annyoing.