Thanks for the advice. Very true that there is limited value to agreeing to the past. Hell, even if you do - then what? "Loving memories and lessons learned" - yep, in this circumstance that is pretty much all the rearview mirror is good for.
Regarding the IVF process. At this juncture I don't think there is a lot that I can do or say....not yet, anyway. You are correct that I only want to do it in the context of a loving, caring relationship where we are 100% together and moving forward. But I can't flat out ask her if that is where her mind is right now.
Recently, I have felt like we are doing better. Spending time together, enjoying our s together. But the bottom line is she still has yet to hit "stop" on the divorce proceedings. We met up for dinner yesterday and I don't know if she had a rough day at work, or was just tired - but she was flat....very, flat. She got up and left with s (he was starting to get a tad squirmy) and didn't even really say good-bye. I was sitting at the table wondering WTF just happened. Immediately, I was fighting the urge to get inside my head.....maybe she is done trying......she wants the D....etc. -- I put the brakes on that line of thought as quickly as I could. Still not GREAT at doing that, but I am learning not to get into picking apart her every action in search of meaning. Nonetheless, it felt weird and I woke up this morning with low-level anxiety.
I want to have a deeper conversation about the whole IVF thing - and tell her that IF she wants to stay together and IF she wants to go for baby #2 she should settle back in together first - get back to loving one another and find stable ground.
My fear is that she would say "everything has to be YOUR way" and say I haven't changed at all. Worse yet, I fear that bringing it up would just drive her away and erase whatever positive momentum I may or may not have.
Things are coming to a head and we are going to have to make a definitive decision soon.
