Your situation is now similar to mine 4 years ago. W's OM moved to another country (got chased out, but W did not resist it, she just played the victim). The text messages and Yahoo messaging went on (in full view of the family) for about 3-4 months until finally she broke it off fairly brutally. His last message: 'why did you do this to me, now I have nothing'. Objectification: from being totally perfect to be be totally rejected in 6 months.
I even received a text that was meant for OM. At the time I thought it was accidental, but now I suspect it was a deliberate Passive Aggressive act designed to cause hurt, Its all part of the Chaos and Triangulation of, in my case, I suspect Borderline Behavior.
No sane rational person lives with one life-long partner and openly has a relationship with another. I would like to think I am sane/rational and I would not do it, ever, it's freakin' nuts, its like a summer vacation in Belgium, you just do not do it!
Take a step back, imagine you are your own best friend, what advice would you give yourself regarding his behavior? Same as your Doctors, possibly?
Actually it sounds to me like with all your activities you are doing the best you can under these circumstances. For me 4 years ago it was a 7 month nightmare and the worry of trying to keep my family together meant I could never relax my guard.
I found that the process was full of little victories/baby steps, i.e. OP moves to another country, the messaging reduces, you do a few more things together.
Keep reminding yourself that you did not cause this, this is not your fault, you are not to blame, and there is nothing you can do to fix it. Just keep detaching (in a loving way if you wish). You are the most important person to you, love yourself recognize how well you have done so far.
Wendy I think you are doing a pretty good job of getting on with life.
