So last night I went to my support group and it was phenomenal. I was so glad that I went and I feel just a little less scared and alone today. I feel like today is a good day for me, and I will take them where I can get them.
I got home from support group just a little after 10 and was so glad to be able to see the kids before they went to bed. They were doing well and filled me in on their nights.
H was in the game room watching TV. When I took the dog out back, I got a text message from H asking me if he could have a cigarette, because he was having a really rough night.
I brought him one and he asked me to stay for a minute. He was hysterically sobbing and couldn't compose himself. He kept talking about his coworker who tragically died yesterday morning. He was saying that he was such a good guy, in good health, etc. He then said "he is the man that I wish I could be"
I didn't say a word. Just listened. When I got up to leave he asked if he could have one more cigarette before I go. He started crying again and said "i'm sorry, I don't mean to drag you into this. It's not just the death, it is everything. Everything is crashing down around me at once"
I replied "I can certainly understand that"
I got up and went to get ready for bed. He stayed out there a while longer.
When he came to bed he repeatedly said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's everything crashing down"
I said "mmm hmmm, I hope you get some sleep tonight"
He is still in bed now. As I was getting up this morning to get my S15 off to school, he said "thank you for the cigarettes last night, just a rough day/night"
I got up and went about my morning.
I feel surprisingly strong this morning. I'm very thankful for that.
