Starting to see the beautiful yard and landscape we planned together coming to life. It's sort of heartbreaking. We also maintained a very bird friendly back yard. They were our "pets". I mean birdseed aint cheap. My new place I won't be able to have bird feeders. Too messy for people below me. Maybe just a hummingbird feeder. Another hurt to the heart. Plus as weather gets better, we always used to have deck time. Just enjoying the view and music and being together. Man, how did this go from that to this? Well can't dwell, or it will drive me crazy. These are the thoughts that keep me from sleeping and eating. Ok, so back into disbelief mode. Stop sign and feel sad. Know I have to "feel" the sad or I may never feel good again. It's just amazing to me that he was such a good actor, never saw it coming. I mean 2 weeks before bomb he was checking into hotel prices in Seattle, so maybe we could stay on a future visit. So confusing.
