Not sure where to start

[25yearsmlc]

Journaling:

Honestly I dont know how H could possibly have the kids 50/50. He is a workaholic. That's part of the problem of why we drifted apart. He goes into work early, works late and goes on business trips frequently. In fact, he won't be home tonight because he has to go on an overnight business trip. How does he think this will work in the future? That I will just be there to pick up the pieces?

He may mean "joint" custody which is not necessarily the same as "physical" custody. The court will need to know this about his work, and unless you agree to "pick up the pieces" the court won't assume you are always available 24/7.


I think H is going through a MLC. He has started contacting friends he had long before we got married. He is really concerned with his appearance and I have noticed odd charges on the credit card like florists, jewelry and out of town restaurants. I have asked him three times if he is having an affair and he has denied it three times.

Please do not get bogged down in whether he's in a mid life crisis or not. It's a pointless exercise in thought and worry and obsession.

And, your course of action is the same no matter what. You know you have your own work to do, so stay focussed on that.

Stop asking your h about the affair. First, as Bond says, "Cheaters lie". Your h's denials have not soothed you. Why ask for more of that?

So he's either lying, which means you don't need to keep hearing him do that,

OR he is telling the truth, and then it must annoy him to have you continue to ask the same question.

If you believe that an affair would be an absolute deal breaker for you, then snoop, get proof and confront when you have your legal ducks in a row.

If not, then become the better choice for him.

You know you have some temper issues and you don't tend to help him when he asks for it, which surprised me. I don't know what the sex life WAS like in the past, but you said now it's non-existent.

Did you withhold it in the m? I think men don't return home for the great sex they never had. You can deal with that later.

For now, be warm, upbeat, loving and calm. I also think that the 180s should not only be things you

refrain from doing, like "not losing your temper"...but instead, DO something or take some action.

Join something or take a class and be different. Be a bit mysterious. Less predictable.


consistent changes + sufficient time = change he can believe in.

The more you focus on WHY your h is doing what he's doing or thinking,

the less you'll work on those changes that he needs to see in you.

My biggest regret, even though things worked out for us,

is how much time I wasted on why my h was doing what he was doing, or what he was planning/feeling/thinking or saying...

None of it was in my control.... AND instead of obsessing about my h,

I could have created a happier, more fulfilling life for me and my kids, that much faster...which was probably a trigger for our reconciliation anyhow.

Figure out something you can join or do or a class you can take this week so you can start GAL and being happier, more like you were when he fell in love with you...

be a woman only a fool would leave.