Thank you, 007. Here's why I think it will take a long time for her to believe: I confessed to my church youth group in high school that I had a problem with porn, so she knew that it had touched my life before we even dated. When we were newlyweds, she caught me with a video I shouldn't have been watching. I started trying to fight it; went to a men's support group, read some books. It was up and down. I advanced from a "support" group to a "recovery" group (when you go from a "problem" to admitting an "addiction") when I got a job post college, just before we had our second child. We had another child and moved again. I worked in defense and needed a Top Secret Security Clearance for work, and as part of the background check admitted to looking at porn at work. I squeeked by, but started to going to a counselor and AA groups multiple times a week (though I wasn't alcaholic, there weren't more specific groups available near me). I have never thought or said that my behavior was okay. In my defense, scratch that, by the grace of God, I have never advanced past somewhat soft-core porn and never to online relationships, prostitutes, voyeurism, etc. But the story doesn't stop there. We made the big move from our home state and after six months at my new job, I was going through a more rigorous background check, and actually was taking a polygraph (lie detector) test and admitted again to porn at work. This time, I failed the clearance and lost my job. I have been through several jobs in quick succession since (none lost due to my fault, but the tumble certainly started with me). So, last summer, part of my reaction to the bomb was to get with a IC that specializes in men with porn addiction. I've been making progress. She is upset that she had to hit rock bottom in order for me to have. Me too. But now it is more than progress, I am killing this thing. I have been going to Sexaholics Anonymous meetings multiple times a week, and Celebrate Recovery (Christian 12-step for general issues) every week. I have a sponsor and I'm reading every day and working my program. I don't think she's going to get convinced that if she comes back I won't revert. But more important than convincing her is being ready to help my boys avoid this path in a few years. I have work to do today to be ready for that.
