New Day Rising

[greatwhitenorth]

Thanks for chiming in 4MF and Snodderly. I will continue to think on this board.

My plan is to have all of his things in the garage and not be here when he comes over. I don't think he'll do anything nasty, because he's not a nasty MLCer. Once I find someone who is willing to stand guard I'll let him know. It will be April at the earliest because I'm busy this weekend and gone south over the following two. He was supposed to be coming with me this time, but alas, I'll have more sober company who don't swim away from me in the ocean this time around.

When I was talking to my therapist a couple of weeks ago something I said made her suggest that whatever crisis he seems to be in was interrupted previously. It kind of makes sense. Soon after he and i reconciled after a week apart early in our relationship, he grew his hair out. Normally shaves his head. It looked absolutely ridiculous, to the point that his then teenaged daughter said "is this your doing?" I of course took no responsibility. "Just trying something different" was his explanation.

Anyway, yesterday I spent my lunch hour outside. We've had an unseasonally warm week and as a result the river has opened right up and is high. From where I sat I could smell it, and with that painfully missed our boat and the tears set in. When I got home I decided to take a look at the boat(it's still here as my name is on the loan, but really it's his boat so he's making the payments out of a joint account used for that purpose only).

Imagine my surprise to find that vermin of some sort had moved in over winter! It stank like rodent urine something awful. Two life jackets might be finished and the cover for the bimini top is chewed up. These things were in one of the compartments and smelled rank. The life jackets are still outside in the sun and the bimini cover went in the wash.

I pondered emailing him for a couple of hours and then decided it was the right thing to do. I opened the email by saying I hope he understood where I was coming from the night before and that as long as our lives are separate they must be treated as such, and that it's too painful otherwise. I then went straight to the vermin and the boat.

No response. No interest or concern about the state of his 25K investment that he's presently trying to sell. No thank you for taking care of it. Not a peep. Early in the separation he would normally respond within the same day.

This is the same lack of response I got when I initiallly asked him to disconnect the phone/satellite the first time, but that wasn't surprising because it required action on his part.

It makes no sense to me (not sure why I would expect it to) why he can be gung ho to pick up the phone and tell me about his heart and the other random things, but not say a word about his boat. The stench of raccoon (which it probably was) urine certainly can't be good for resale, and we're already looking at a 10k hit as it's only two years old.

It's almost like he's depressed, like he just doesn't care, he's gone completely dark. It also feels very juvenile, like the boyfriend in high school who completely stops talking to you because you've broken up or had a fight.

I've been thinking about his reason for telling me about his heart. He said he didn't think it would be fair for me to find out from someone else. I've been pondering that notion, why would fairness to me matter? It didn't matter when he decided to cheat on me. Somewhere in my heart I think he was reaching out a bit, but that could be this foolish optimism I've adopted in recent months.

Either way...I have a stinky boat in by driveway and sure do miss the water.