Where to begin?

I've been lurking on these forums reading for a few weeks now absorbing the wisdom of all who spend time here.

I've seen the number of postings on the 37 rules and have now picked up the DR book and am beginning to read. Why? Here's my sitch:

I've been with my wife almost 20 years, and we've been married for over 16 of those years. We've had ups and downs at times but the past couple of years has seen us get further and further apart. I'm 48 and she is 49, turning 50 this summer. We have no kids.

I started IC with a couple of sessions last spring as she thought I needed to figure myself out, since she had herself all figured out already. After the initial sessions, the counsellor wanted to see both of us as he saw that to me the relationship was part of my "problem". She came to one session in order to "help" me towards my journey to getting myself figure out. Needless to say that didn't do much.

Last Fall, on the recommendation of a friend I started seeing a new C who I quite like and he has helped me with some of my issues. He has let me see I can take ownership of just half of our R issues but it takes two. Even if I did everything wrong, it would still only be half my fault. He's let me see that our marriage has really already died as it once existed, but that doesn't mean we couldn't rebuild a new one.

However, my W no longer has any interest in our relationship, has expressed things like she never felt like a partner, etc. much of what has been written here by others.

A few times in the past year out of frustration I've asked her if she wanted me to leave but she always said no. We havent sat together or been close in a long time. Over the past year or so I have heard "hon" less and less and she had taken to calling me by my name only, likely as a distancing measure. It all came to a head after my birthday in Feb where she gave me a card that was signed from her and the dog I couldn't have felt less cared about. So a week or so later I asked if she thought we should separate. Her response was yes as she has no feelings for me anymore. As I write this I know that that part of our life is done. I can't say I disagree with her.

Where I struggle is that later that day I am already getting an email from a mutual friend saying how sorry they were that we were splitting up but maybe we could both find peace now as we had each been unhappy for some time. My wife wasted no time.

She has also started inquiries with the bank to figure out how she can buy me out of my share of our home. We both have good paying careers so that is not an issue.

Anyway, I have found a furnished apartment for three months starting April 1st. I want to slow this process down as I was not happy where we were but that doesn't mean I did t want us to work towards building a new life together.

I am beginning to wonder if it was a mistake agreeing to move out. Alternatively, I don't see how me staying in the house was going to help me detach while she figures out that she has a part in all this.

I know that all I can do is work on me and I am trying to do that by continuing to see the C, getting involved in sports again and I've even started attending a meditation class (not doing a great job on regular attendance to that one due to my job and the class' early start time).

I think I've rambled enough for this first post. I will try to add more info later. I understand this takes some time as new members are moderated In the beginning, so I will learn as I go.

Q1


M: 48 W:49
M:16 T:19
No kids
Distancing last 18 months
I have no feelings for you (we should separate): Feb 24/12
Me voluntarily moving out: Apr 1/12 (Fool's Day!)