OMG....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR INPUT AND INSIGHTS! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I swear I just don't know what I'd do without you guys!
Wendy: Girl, I think we're about the same in regards to how many relationship books we're read and owned. Guess what I realized? Not a one of them really ever tackled the true issues I've had in my marriage, UNTIL I FOUND THIS SITE. I think it's fair and honest to say that all our marriages are COMPLICATED with several big issues at hand and active at all times. And another thing I did learn. I could read, learn and grow so much as a person, but when your spouse isn't willing to meet you half way, well you're going nowhere really fast!
Snodderly: I appreciate you reminding me of what really is, and reminding me I can't do it all, like READ MINDS. I never stopped to look at the obvious, which is that a person would feel all alone and abandoned if they choose to stay trapped in their own misery and not reach out and try to resolve things.
AJM: Acceptance, oh yes. This is a challenge for me, but also the last step in grieving. As we know grief/loss never follows suit in chronological order, hell no! WE've gotta go all over the place, like I've been with emotions in regards to this. However I do know I do truly accept things when I really start to understand and grasp the situation. When I start to understand the "why's" or the "how's" of it all, then it clicks into place, and then acceptance is smooth for me.
T^2: Hey guy thank you so much for your input and your feelings from your personal sitch. I have a glimpse into what he was thinking, and now have a grasp of perhaps where we are now, and where we could've been. Because of that, well all of this is really helping me to be very acceptant of this all now.
No H always refused counseling. I asked him to go several times through the years. He always poo-pooed it. One of the last times I suggested him reading Dr. Phil's relationship rescue with me and he got IRATE with me about it. I love Dr. Phil's direct approach to realtionships and no nonsense and realistic strategies to overcome some really tough stuff in relationships.
But our relationship problems aside, I think what really gave me a red flag was how he didn't want to go to counseling only after 3 sessions after he got shot. The counselor said he was doing so well, that if he felt comfortable not coming it was ok. H did ok, for a while, but boy did things change about 6 months later down the road. I was so worried about what he was going to do with that anger. He gamed all day and night and gained 50 pounds. Then he became angry, and who was his target? Me, the kids, and the animals. AND THIS IS 15 YEARS POST ONLINE CYBER AFFAIRS ON MY PART, so Im thinking what's going on here is the PTSD is triggering all SORTS of stuffed anger and resentment. He even started criticizing his mom over things when he was 13 years old. He even started giving me guilt trips over things I said 20 years ago.
Hmmm.. it's all starting to add up now.
And I feel myself breathing in a fresh breath of air and feeling relief and understanding.
And I now am starting to feel acceptance....because I now have a different perspective and understanding.
I think I just might be moving towards forgiveness now.
What comes after forgivness? Trust?
Thank you so much you guys..... from the bottom of my heart, I can't thank you enough for your help!
