It seems like you have already done a lot of reading and thinking. Keep it up. You are working on yourself, and that is good.
Finances are one of the things that trigger an MLC, thats true. In my case, that is what my H said. But in the end, I did find out that there was an OW, and EA, and I still believe, even if he denies it to this day, that although finances and all the problems led to the sitch, it was the OW that triggered the bomb.
There is really nothing much we can do but work on ourselves. Anything you say or do will be seen as pressure, and I think your H is avoiding that by not having conversations about your R. I actually think that is good, because the more you talk about R, the more it gets worse. Give him space.
Read about everyone's sitch here, you will probably find those that you identify with.
More people will come along, and all I could say is that you have come to the right place!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
