My husband left me a letter in December which started "I don't want to get into a long emotional discussion with you...." We have been married almost 19 years and together for 23. We have two boys 12 and 15. I never saw this coming. In fact, in November we had spent more time on or own than we had pre-kids. I was feeling really happy that we were moving into this new season of life. I've been a SAHM since the kids were born and there has been financial strain because of it. In the last couple of years we became very serious about improving our financial outlook and we were doing great, at least I thought we both viewed our progress the same way. After he left, he listed lack of money as a stress. Also said he was concerned about retirement (he's 49) and college. Within a week he leased an apartment in another town for 6 months. He said he needed time and distance. I got a text saying I love you, but.... I've learned this is classic. There is no OW, according to him. He tried to have a relationship with the boys, but they're hurt and mad and he wouldn't acknowledge their feelings. He blamed me for them not being able to "move on." That was at the 6 week mark. Last week he told me via phone (after I refused to discuss our relationship via email) that he wants to proceed with divorce. I compassionately told him I thought he was in MLC and encouraged him to talk to someone that he can trust who will help him navigate this difficult time. I also told him that when I looked back I saw times when he was looking for validation and I had missed the cues. Never having gone through this before I just wasn't equipped to help. I was dealing with my own frustration of his distance from me and the boys. I've since read DR and see where I made some mistakes. I want to use some 180 techniques and would really like some advice from others who have tried them. Also, I'm pretty certain that I'm dealing with MLC (turning 50, lost both parents in last two years, aches and pains of aging, money concerns, now dressing differently, trolling dating sites, hanging out with a younger crowd from work), but I would really like feedback. Within the last year, my husband said to me "Our marriage is perfect, except for the finances." What happened and what should I do? He wants to talk on the phone this week (didn't say why), which is a first since he has preferred email and texting.
