I don't believe that I did, because if I did do it all, then I wouldn't have failed.
I think what drives me nutts is knowing that I must learn to let go of so many questions and unresolved issues I have over this. There have been so many issues that I have questions about that never got answered by H.
How can somebody be in a crowded room full of friends and family and be alone at the same time?
I think if something bothers you, there is something to learn from it. I also think that you did everything you could to "connect" but it takes two. 5LL is "interesting" but how do you apply that when somebody leaves? How do you apply that when somebody else isn't being honest?
I think you did what you could and went beyond reasonable.
You are very much beating yourself up over things outside your control. It's part of it. At some point though, you'll realize that a) you won't get an answer from him, b)that you don't want to be with somebody who treats you like that and c) even if he did give you an answer it doesn't change the "what" (happened) or how he treated you.
His decisions are his. His accusations are projection and you cannot change them. To try is to drive you nutty.
Believe me, it leads to insanity
This wasn't about you and any faults you may have had don't justify what he did. That's becuase it wasn't about you. It isn't about you. If it was, then you could have controlled it.
Accept what is and not what should have been. Accept what is now. Accept that you did your best and even went beyond.
Perhaps what you need to learn is acceptance more than anything
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."