Just thought I would chime in here since our respective situations have some similarities and I am much further down the road (feel free to take some time to review my threads).
First off, let there be no mistake - where you are at right now blows. But it CAN get better.
I would stongly advocate taking some of the complaints that your w articulated to you and really, really take a long hard look at them. Not just "I've gotten better at this or that" - but really try to see things from her perspective. Typically, we tend to jump so quickly into defensive mode that we never entertain the notion of "hmmm, what is she's RIGHT about what she thinks of me?". Once I did that it blew my eyes wide open and allowed me to connect the dots as to how my w arrived where she did.....prior to that I was so interested in being right that I never took the time to entertain being wrong.
Look at each and every complaint - whether you agree with it or not and try to find HOW that complaint manifested itself in your relationship and then find how you can 180 it. Then LIVE those 180s. I literally wrote down all of this ^^^^^ complaint by complaint and I FREQUENTLY revist it to help me keep focus.
I know you have heard this a bunch of times now, but the notion of 1-3 weeks is a pipe dream. It took a long time to get here, it will take some time to get out. Focus on you, find things you like to do...and then find some new ones. Make time with friends (HEALTHY friends - not manwhores that will lead you down the wrong path). Keep yourself as upbeat and postive as you can around your w AT ALL TIMES - even though you feel like you are withering away inside you HAVE to present at 100% happy and OK. Keep your life kind of mysterious...make her wonder what you are doing. And she will.....my W sure did. I didn't think she was, but we have since talked and it's clear that it was on her mind.
Don't talk about divorce, reltionship, custody and other matters if you don't have to. If she brings it up stay fact-based and unemotional as you can (quite a tall order, I know). Live your life as if you have already moved on or have made peace with what is going on. Pull back, give space, explore yourself, explore her points of dissatisfaction in the M, and work on your 180's.
Also, don't fear your W moving out. Oddly enough, that was one of the best things that happened to me. It allowed be to relax at home and be free of the tension - sure, I missed her - but the way we were living was neither healthy nor sustainable.
Give everything I said above time! That is key - at least it was for me. And finally, I will leave you with this:
You. Can. Not. Change. Her. At all. Period. Ever. All you can do is work on you FOR you after you acknowledge and embrace your shortcomings. It has been said here that realtionships are dynamic....comprised of two people. If one person changes then the relationship changes by definition - either for the better or for the worse. Spending time worrying about her mental/physical health is a brutal road to nowhere.
