I still can't get it out of my mind how H said to me that he felt horribly abandoned and alone by me, put on the back burner, unloved and unwanted.
My H said something like that to me. And it was kinds funny, because that is how he made me feel for years. I did everything I could think of to connect and he pushed me away.
My H's obsession was yardwork/remodeling. And he did some intense projects that had no bearing on reality. Like building a tiki hut and carving out paths up to the tiki hut/firepit. Lining the path with several truckloads of red lava rock he hauled up this steep hill. Building benches around the fire pit. Clearing a ton of jungle to open up the view. We have had 4 parties there in the 3 years since he had to do this.
My H HATES social events. But loves to show off how much work he has done. But his actual comment to me was: "I feel like a one man show around here." Which I interpert as him only seeing his work and not seeing mine.
Is me making a quilt any less important than building a tiki hut rec area?
I am reading the 5LL book. Keep putting it down because I am grumpy about the fact that I am on my 27th R book and feel like I am going backwards! I have pondered taking all the books up to the firepit and seeing if that benefits me.....
So pretty much I think you and your H were speaking different languages, and both ended up feeling alone. You spoke of rubbing his back and other physical stuff. What is his love language?
What is yours?
I am still trying to figure all this stuff out. Because even if my M is done, I'm assuming someone else will come along. And I don't want to have not learned anything for all this pain!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
