Divorce....with a side of crazy...

[antlers]

Calm down!
Just because something is written down on paper doesn't mean it's gonna happen! Not even close. Just because they propose this doesn't mean it's gonna happen! Not even close. At this stage, there's a lot of jockeying for position...there's a lot of intimidation attempted. Do not be intimidated on this issue! And do not budge from what I told you earlier. Not one bit! Let it go to court, let the Judge decide. Those state mandated guidelines will be followed by the court. Make this known to the opposition...that's what they are now, the 'opposition'. Don't banter or argue...simply say "then let's go to court and let the Judge decide"..,and mean it!

[mishka422]

Deep slow breaths. Don't freak out. He has no real leg to stand on. State formulas are there to protect everyone. Use them. Just because OT isn't 'guaranteed' doesn't exclude it entirely from the formula. You can prove from tax records the consistency of it. He can always go back and file for adjusted CS if he loses his OT completely but it's nearly impossible to get a judgment for increase after the fact.

You said you have documented his time (or lack thereof) with S15 right? Use it. It stinks to have to do that but it's business now, not personal. It's unfortunate the your son will have to speak to the judge but it's best that his wishes are known and taken into consideration. My son was 13 when his dad left and 14 when the D was finalized. At that point in my state he was able to tell the judge where he wanted to be and he didn't want to be with his dad at his place with the broom. Period. His dad didn't like that very much but it was what he created. He has since told me that was a catalyst for the end of his R with her. He wanted his son more than her. WOW! Eye opener huh?

[KenF]

i agree with everyone, do not settle for less than state guidelines.

he's simply trying to intimidate you into accepting less. he wants to break you down until you accept anything just to have it done with.

its your choice what to accept. he's simply trying to force your hand.

tell your lawyer to write up a proposal based entirely on state guidelines, and stick to that. this is the time to stand firm.

the guidelines are based on what you actually make, they use past tax documents. they do not use some presumed income for you, or subtracting OT for him. thats BS.

[imthemom]

thank you everyone...I think ive calmed down. Im not going to let my self obsess over this until Monday. Im letting it go until Sat. and then I will sit and get all my info together and write my thoughts down and prepare for my meeting with L on Monday.
Im not mentioning anything to S15 until it is forced on me about talking to the judge, Im not going to let him abuse un mentally anymore...He can live with his crap and im continueing to get on with my life and have a loving stable relationship with my boys.

thank you for all the support today...i really needed it to get to were I am now....

[imthemom]

off to a Mother/Son dinner dance at S15s school...have been looking forward to it all week!!!
thanks again for all the support today guys...I feel much better and am just gonna put it out of my mind until my meeting with L on Monday.
thanks for making me feel so welcome to the surviving thread...:)

[imthemom]

My L called yesterday and had to reschedule my appt for Monday to this morning. So I was told to bring the purposal that she mailed to me and we are going to go over the whole thing this a.m.

kind of nervouse... I spent last night getting a lot of paperwork in order and writing notes about everything so I wouldnt forget and feel like Im prepareing for battle...hate that but am keeping all emotion out of it like all earlier advice. Im looking at it like buisness...but was so hopeing that it wouldnt come to the nit picking that it has.

S15 was supose to go with STBX tues but called and told him he didnt feel good and wanted to stay home and maybe they could get together thurs night. called him again last night and cancelled again. If youve read previouse post he has been doing this for quite awhile and after months of forcing the issue and trying to talk to him about his and his Ds relationship Ive have been staying out of it...His C has told me that this is the only thing he has control over and I need to let him make decisions on when and if he is spending time with his D. There is a history of just not putting any effort into spending time with his son and S15 has gotten to the point were he just doesnt care anymore. He also is not happy about the fact that his D is pushing meeting his ow and I think he is trying to avoid that.

It tells me alot that after all these months of not spending time or being there as a father, that STBX is suddenly asking for triple the time with S15, even after setting up a visitation schedule that we included S15 in making, and then STBX flaking on more then half the time he is supose to have with him...but as soon as he found out it would effect his support amount he has suddenly managed to be available for every scheduled time and is really pushing the issue...so typical its embarrassing ..I have had experience with this before and have documented everything...but I hate that it has come to that...

[kat727]

At your sons age he should be able to say what he wants and the court should take that into account. Document all the times your H hasn't kept an appointment. Keep emotion out of time with the L, it will save money.

I am so terribly sorry that you are going through this. Divorce bites. Take care of you, you will get through this.

kat

[SunFunOne]

I hope your meeting goes well. Please let us know.

Preparing for your meeting like you're going into battle is the best way, really. And I'm glad you are keeping it businesslike (as much as one can).

My ex flaked all the time on the kids until he really felt he was losing them and they just didn't care. Then he seemed to finally get it. And after 11 years (almost) - the kids have not met OW - their choice. They are old enough to decide. It took a lot of pressure off them when I backed off and let them make their own plans with their dad.

Barb

[imthemom]

meeting went very well...my L is very prepared and confident that we wont have any problems...she preparing a response to there purposal and we wait to see were that goes...its just begun i fear..

as we were sitting there discussing how STBX doesnt want his OT included in his income because its not gaurenteed (He works MAJOR overtime and always has, have documentation to prove it) and that he wants more time with S15, STBX calls again for the 3rd time in a row and cancels his weekend with S15 because he has to work OT....My attorney and I got a good laugh out of that and she documented it in her response...

I feel much better...tried not to be nit picky in our response, told her I wanted the whole thing to go with state guidlines..thats it, have some homework to do this weekend to get some paperwork together that she requested and then we just wait I guess..
SunFun...I would only hope that STBX would respect S15s wishes and not force the issue of the ow on him but history has shown that he doesnt really care what S15s wishes are. My son is afraid that he is going to walk into his Ds house one day and she will just be there...and that wouldnt surprise me at all...

Now Im putting it out of my head for the rest of the weekend!!

[mishka422]

LOL!!! How funny is that? He called to specifically cancel 'more time' with his son because of the OT he doesn't want included in his income figures. LOL!!!! That had to give both of you a huge laugh.

Dufus!

Have a GREAT weekend! Do fun stuff and don't think about moronicus.