You are so right Tested. Thank you for that insight I really need that at times! It helps my perspective and this will help me as I continue to process my ever changing emotions and sort them out.
I don't fully believe that I did.
I don't believe that I did, because if I did do it all, then I wouldn't have failed.
I think what drives me nutts is knowing that I must learn to let go of so many questions and unresolved issues I have over this. There have been so many issues that I have questions about that never got answered by H. When he did answer a few of them nothing made sense to me, no matter how much I tried to have sympathy or even empathy with him. Nothing made sense.
I guess that's why Im so frustrated. I just don't understand him and I guess I still have a horrible time accepting him the way he is, espedcially when I see changes for there have been so many, I don't even know who he is. It took forever to accept where he was in MLC, but I did. I finally get used to that and now he's acting like the man I haven't seen in years....like when we were first dating kind of years!
I guess Im beating myself up over something I had no control over. How was I supposed to know what was really going on inside of him, if he didn't choose to share this with me? How was I supposed to get any clue of things I was possibly doing to make him uncomfortable if he didn't clue me in on it? How was I supposed to know?
I guess what's so confusing is that he appears and seems to be very happy since he's left. That's kind a slap in the face when someone tells you that they're miserable in a marriage because of you, then turns right around and says they still have every intention of being your friend, and then actually act better out of the marriage than inside of it. Then you're looked at as evil for treating your relationship as the divorce that was wanted, yet they turn right around in the same breath and say " I don't hate you like you think".
