I just don't know how to put this into words that will not anger or upset her. I also am not certain that if push came to shove I would have any way to prevent her from moving back in.
You must look at this as a boundary to protect you and S. Not to avoid upsetting her.
If she is engaging in bad behavior then there should be boundaries. And consequences.
There is a difference to angering her and upsetting her by you being selfish, controlling or spiteful.
And
Protecting yourself with boundaries. Of course she will be angry when confronted with a boundary.
Just be mindful of the purpose of your boundaries and that you communicate them and follow through with consequences.
They should not have any other purpose than to protect you from harmful behavior.
Lost you are not going to understand the reasons for her choices right now. She is trying to deal with a sh!tstorm going inside her that is the result of her childhood trauma.
She knows she is hurting you and your son and you are a constant reminder of that. There is nothing you can do about it until she decides to deal with her crisis.
You will see her vascillate between guilt and wanting to be around you and son it is a crazy cycle of confusion which is why we say get out of the way.
Remove yourself from that storm. You can do no good there.
Protect yourself and your son. I know its hard but try to stop watching your W. Just let her be and keep focusing on your goals.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
