I didn't see it coming...but now I see everything

[labug]

Have you read the 1st chapter of DR found here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/sb_the_divorce_remedy.htm

[breakdownbill]

Hi Labug
Thanks for posting that link - just finished reading the 1st chapter of DR. So much of it makes sense in how I can relate to my own marraige problems.

I'm really starting to believe that how we communicate & resolve arguments is genuinely the root cause and catalyst for all the problems our M has today. We've never addressed them and just carried on with more of the same. I think the biggest admission for me to come out of my counselling was that I was unhappy with M as well, but not so unhappy that I wanted out or to leave.

I'm pretty sure that my W's PA is still ongoing & I honestly question if she tells me that she has slept with him, whether I would even want to try & save our M. Does that make me a bad person or selfish? The thought of another man with my wife makes me want to puke and I go all anxious and inward. I don't think I could handle it. I'm so scared that if she does sleep with him, that it'll be me filing for a D. This is the last thing I want, it's not my pride that I'm worried about, it's about my love for her dying.

I thought I was doing good today, but this is so hard. I'm a mess again. Need to pull myself together before she comes home from dancing later.

[breakdownbill]

I know it's asking a lot, but is there anyone on here who has been cheated on PA and managed to get their M back on track? I could really use some motivation right now.

I really need to get a grip on my feelings, I don't want to blow my detaching & discuss anything with W. I understand that my W will do whatever she is going to do right now & in her eyes we are no longer together. I just worry that the damage is going to be too much for me to overcome on my own.

I need to remember the bigger picture, but I'm really struggling tonight.

[MrBond]

Yes there are many. The most recent is Denver's thread. Check it out.

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Mr Bond - I'll read Denver's thread.

[sandi2]

Look under Another Divorce Busted forum.

[breakdownbill]

Thank you Sandi. I will check that forum out now. I'm determined not to blow my detaching, just need some inspiration to get through tonight.

[breakdownbill]

Wow, some of the success stories posted on here are incredible. I can't believe how strong some people have become in fighting for their M and their own happiness. Started reading Denver's thread & can see that he had to go through a lot of pain, soul searching and reflection to get to where he's at today. I'll make a point to read his threads when I get down & some of the another divorce busted stories for inspiration. Thank you Sandi, Mr Bond & Denver for getting me through last night - I really needed it.

Mini Journal - this morning

I felt like my W is not as cold as she's cracking out to be, her handbag was open on the table and there was quite a bit of tissue scrunched up that looked like she had been crying & this morning she had been crying when she was getting ready for work. Not going to read to much into it, but somethings upset her. I didn't want to ask - thought it would be best to let her come to me if she wanted to talk, plus I'm detaching (trying). Never used babe responding to any text messages yesterday ( Sandi ;-)).

(I had to keep editing it out LOL)

I really want to read the DR book after reading the 1st chapter - fingers crossed it arrives today.

Bill

[Denver_2010]

There are others that I found highly motivating, inspirational, and educational... Jack3beans, Truegritter to name a couple that come immediately to mind.

Denver

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Denver, I really appreciate your help and support and I'm so happy for you that your hard work is paying off and how much happier you are now compared to your earlier threads.

I seem to be on here a lot lately, because besides the counselling and 1 good friend, I don't really feel comfortable discussing my M problems with friends and I realise now what a bad idea confiding in my sister and MIL was. By the way her Mother has respected my wishes and not confronted her on what's going on. I feel terrible that I told her and know that it's going to be another obstacle when her Mum does confront her.

Anyway, I will be here quite a lot. Got my next Counselling session on Tuesday, they really are helping me get to the bottom of my issues.

Thanks again Denver, i'll be sure to check out those threads you recommended.

Bill