Leaving a long term relationship is scary and painful. She has agonized over it for months. For her, the pain of staying eventually exceeded the pain of leaving.
She knows leaving will be painful, she knows about the impact to the kids and finances. She will minimize that now because acknowledging it doesn't help her case.
Pounding on that point isn't going to help. Staying for that reason will make her feel trapped. If she told you she would stay for the kids and for financial reasons only but doesn't love you would you want that?
Her lawyer will I'm sure also make the financial implications clear.
There are positive and negative motivations for staying. Negative motivations are avoiding financial problems, avoiding being lonely, staying for the kids, etc. You do those things to avoid pain versus enjoy benefits.
Positive motivations would be a fulfilling emotional connection, emotional support, a fulfilling sex life, a partner in parenting, etc
You want to focus on providing the positives (or showing you are capable of providing them if she will engage). I would avoid trying to use the negatives as leverage. She agonized over that for months you can be sure.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
