Great call chatterbug. I think I will call it a day early and get out for a bit, maybe take the dog for a nice long walk. Thank you for the suggestion!!
So it seems that H may be getting the hint after all. He went out for the evening last night and I had the house to myself and today is the very first day I have not gotten one email or text from him. Interesting!!
I have this in my phone and it pops up as a reminder to me daily:
"By owning my decisions, honoring my boundaries and my authentic self and engaging a healthy and loving support system, I live the passionate, joyful life I deserve"
It is good to remind myself daily!!
Like^^^^^^
love the contract you have. Good work...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Remember its not interesting.... It is what it is...
You can only control yourself.
Others you can call out bad behavior.
Its up to them to own it.
If you can follow this. Then you will slowly stop with the mind reading and second guessing.
Then it is reactions to your actions.
You are absolutely right, and that is a habit I am trying to break.
I will do my homework and gather what I need to gather and go from there.
Thanks 25, I knew that you would know that it was my contract LOL Ironically it was written in January but exactly what I read right now. I guess I wasn't as much in denial as I thought I was.
I have it in my office, on my fridge, in my car...you get the point.
H was still not giving me space last night and an argument developed. I explained that I have been asking for space and just not getting it, he was here all weekend and actually cancelled plans. He agreed that he didn't give me the space I requested.
I again asked him if he would leave the home, and this time he is agreeing to consider it. He said he will look at his options and mentioned consulting an L to see what this means. He said until he leaves he will give me space, and I won't even know he is here.
He is saying "we just need to stop the bleeding". To me it is so much deeper than that.
This morning he proceeded to blame me and said "its not all my fault" and "I didn't do anything physical, it was just a few stupid emails"
I reminded him that "I don't believe you. You made a choice, and I now question so many other things and what has been real since we've been having issues" His response "our issues are so much deeper than that"
I'm having a tough morning to say the least. I am gathering the docs I need and trying to focus on work today. It is tough because I have a lump in my throat and some trouble catching my breath.
I just want to wake up from this awful nightmare. Ok enough pity party
I'm having a tough morning to say the least. I am gathering the docs I need and trying to focus on work today. It is tough because I have a lump in my throat and some trouble catching my breath.
I just want to wake up from this awful nightmare. Ok enough pity party
Autumn,
It's OK to have mornings -- DAYS -- like this. It's to be expected. Think of your emotions as steam, and your body having a valve. The more you learn to detach and control things on a day-to-day basis, the more it's going to build up SOMEWHERE, and occasionally it's going to come out. I found myself going from having this moments once a day or so, then once every-other day, and then once every couple of weeks or so. I mean violently-sobbing-into-a-bath-towel-at-2am-with-the-fan-on-to-block-the-sound kinda episodes.
It's natural. And healthy.
Your responses to your huband have been good. Unfortunately, his atty -- if he's any good at all -- is going to tell him NOT to leave the house (possible "abandonment"), so you two are going to have to learn to navigate around each other. As a man, I know if you told me something like "You're SMOTHERING me! And it's not very attractive, frankly," it would probably have an effect on me. NO MAN wants to hear that what he's doing is "unattractive," lol.
Thank you, that actually helps to think about the steam/valve. Thankfully the kids are at school and I work from home, its just me and the dog. I keep having sobbing moments out of the blue, very unsettling feeling.
I've thought of that too starsky, if he really does talk to a L, they will tell him not to leave. I know that mine did. I'll find a way to handle whatever comes. I have to.
At one point this morning when he was blaming me, I got my Irish up a little and said "if I am really as horrible as you say, than you should be relieved" He said "i'm not relieved that my marriage is ending"
I apologized for throwing any unnecessary digs and will do my best not to stoop to that level, it was my hurt coming out but I don't want to be that person. I don't like that.
So much for the space, he emailed me when he got to work to let me know that one of his coworkers died this morning. He was the same age as my H. I didn't know him so he said the reason he was telling me was, it was an allergy related death and my S15 just developed seasonal allergies. I did respond with an I'm sorry for your loss email, and will keep an eye on S15. I wasn't sure what to do and I was sobbing at the moment, so possibly I shouldn't have responded at all.
So much for the space, he emailed me when he got to work to let me know that one of his coworkers died this morning. He was the same age as my H. I didn't know him so he said the reason he was telling me was, it was an allergy related death and my S15 just developed seasonal allergies. I did respond with an I'm sorry for your loss email, and will keep an eye on S15. I wasn't sure what to do and I was sobbing at the moment, so possibly I shouldn't have responded at all.
