Outside the Scope of This Report Part 3

[WenikiTiki]

I am moving slow for many reasons. Though I am realizing how much he has changed.

I have finally been able to not sit with him and watch TV. By getting this distance I can see he is different. And we honestly don't talk about anything, so I don't know what he is thinking.

What I do know is what is important to me isn't important to him. During one of the many (7) back and forths, he insisted I buy a new car. I also committed to be in charge of the quilt show for my guild. Both these were discussions with him. Now he acts like I did both things on my own.

So I am spending a lot of energy on the quilt show. And it is in May. I already gave up my other volunteer job for next year, am just finishing it up thru June. I've been telling people I'm moving and even been able to tell a few that my husband wants a D. Hard words to say.

I started looking at house prices and formulated a worst case plan. Because I don't know how much we will get for our house, and don't know if we will be able to sell the boat any time soon.

I have been taking stuff to donate, have donated 3 loads this month. So I am parting with excess. I keep talking about doing the Art & Flea sale, well I've been taking vintage stuff and slowing getting rid of treasures that way.

One of the things my H made plain to me is that he thinks my working out is important. And I have kept that up, however hard it is. I found it funny that he worries about my weight, even when he is planning on dumping me.

I no longer believe my H will magically come to his senses. I might have thought that 4 months ago. I think I am just a bit of a mule and whenever I hear him say things that I know OW told him to say, I tend to dig in my heels.

So by not talking to him at all I am doing better, because I'm not hearing her words come out of his mouth. And she was my friend, we spent a lot of time together and I know which thoughts are hers vs. his.

I keep getting my little card out of my wallet where I wrote Labugs take on Acceptance.

She said: Acceptance When your spouse says the're done and there is no working on it - believe that. And move forward. Not accepting their decision (choice) is a form of control. All the words and energy expended on decrying their choice and exclaiming how crazy or blind they are only keeps me stuck and controlled by the situation.

I have read this several times. I also do something silly when my H is in the house, near me. I draw a line in the air and say not my problem, he over there I am over here, we are separate. And I just keep breathing. (No I don't do this when he can see....)

Thanks for all the valuable input. You all are wonderful.